Tuesday, September 29, 2009


or...almost double. Thank goodness!

Sunday, September 27, 2009


ie: Not double....FML

Saturday, September 26, 2009


is 497! 15dp3dt!

so 1 or 2?

Repeat beta tomorrow!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Post 100 - A Beta Post

So they called with my beta today....but I was sleeping after a horrendous night shift at work. And they didn't leave the Number! Seriously? Does anyone else's clinics not tell you lab values, I have such a hard time with this. The other thing was I left my home phone number as the contact number for the result....and they called my cell...so I sat waiting for the call for hours when it had already came!

I called their office and left a message, because I want details....I already KNOW I am pregnant...I want numbers! Next beta is Sunday....so even if I don't get the number tomorrow, I will ask on Sunday....geesh...I already had to wait so long to get this beta...and then they continue to leave me in suspense, I am exhausted!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Post #99

I am one post away from 100....wow!

I am still pregnant....and just anxious to hear HOW pregnant I am at the beta on Friday. I am more excited for this beta than any other beta I have ever had. Because my 11dp3dt test looks awesome. I compared it to the pic of my 14dpo test with out first pregnancy and they don't compare at all!

BFP from our First Pregnancy

BFP from this Pregnancy.

I the little pics they look the same now, but really this one is much darker....hmph.

I am 4weeks2days today. By beta day I will be 4 weeks 4days. I am really hoping for a good strong beta, and hoping to NOT go through the beta hell I did last time (only increasing by 4 in 4 days...it was awful!) I am just anxious to get the beta now, really really anxious, it can't come soon enough. Such relief going in knowing what they are going to say though.

As far as pregnancy symptoms so far, I have a couple. Its always hard to tell whats from progesterone and whats from pregnancy. My boob don't hurt nearly as bad as the first time, or as bad as they normally even do on progesterone. Strange, but I am ok with it. I have had a few episodes of queasiness. I now travel with something to puke into, some cereal to calm my stomach, water and gum(its a one hour drive into work every day). I am tired all.the.time! No noticeable signs yet otherwise.

I have told my internet friends and a few long distance friends who have been really great to me through all of this, and we told T's parents. I told my best friend the day we had the BFP. And I told One girl at work, who I know will keep it in until I am ready to tell. Usually I would shout this from the rooftops right away, but I just feel like I should at least wait for the betas to double before I go saying anything. T was surprised I didn't want to tell anyone at work yet. He is very excited about this, and has probably told everyone.

I think that's all that is new around here..I will update again after the beta on Friday.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

I see LINES...and the Wait for the Beta

still 4 full days until my beta...it will be on the equivalent of 18dpo...not sure why they wait so long after IVF...but I will go with it. When I did IUI's the beta was always at 13dpo(which is today for me, I am 10dp3dt)

If I had negative tests like I have for the last 5 IUI cycles...I would be pissed and just want it over with. But I SEE LINES!

So I know I announced this first 3 days ago at 7dp3dt....and the line was barely visible. But today's line, you can actually see, and after tomorrow I will start tickers and such because I will be 4 weeks preggo!

Last night (9dp3dt) I even took one of those dollar store tests that never work until your period is way late...and I got a really decent line, so I will provide that picture too. The digital still melts my heart though.

What I really can not wait for is the ultrasound now. I really want to know how many are in there. We transferred 2 beautiful embryos, so I wouldn't be surprised if they are both there. At this point, I am ok with that, but being an L&D nurse, and seeing all the crappy things that can happen, it does make me nervous, very nervous....but given I have had 2 losses and 2 years of infertility and spent a lot on treatments, I would likely have been a nervous pregnant person anyways.

OK...now for the lines.....

Aren't they beautiful???

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Show and Tell: from embabies to HPT's

Last week my show and tell were my beautiful embabies. Those beautiful embabies have some skills I tell ya!

Those embabies(either or both) have decided to snuggle in nice and comfy....because my show and tell this week is my BFP.

This is how my day started:
Super faint line there if you can see it...you might need to click on the image to make it bigger.

I got excited...I am pregnant...sure its a R>E>A>L>L>Y faint line....but a lines a line. I wanted to tell the world, already. But I didn't.

Then T got home....I told him, happiness, excitement, but its still early, we have been here before, and had heartbreak. But that didn't stop us being so excited for these little ones. We decide we need to tell his parents (they live far away, so its a phone call unfortunately). I decide that before we call his parents to tell them, I at least want to test with a digital in a few days...proof that indeed I am "pregnant". At least pregnant enough for a digital test to decide so.

The problem here is I am impatient, most of the time. and although I never would ever take a digital before 13dpo(when I would be late) I bit the bullet...and peed on the digital!

Lets just recap....

  • I am 7dp3dt (10dpo)
  • I am also 12 dptrigger
  • I have a POAS addiction....I need POAS anonymous.
  • I am impatient.

Apparently I am 'Enceinte'...since I live in Canada.


Now go over and see what everyone else is showing!

Well Add Me to the List...

...of pregnant bloggers.

It may be too early to actually say that, but the faint line on my HPT is definitely there.

(Click on the pic to make it larger)

OK, maybe you can't see it....but I can...so it counts.

Funny thing is, beta isn't for 8 more days...does anyone wanna take guesses as to how big its going to be by then(I hope)?

I am thrilled...shocked. I had a feeling this would work, but always assume the worst to protect my heart. I am PREGNANT.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Today is THE Day

My due date of my first pregnancy. I am sad, my heart hurts. But I still feel the same as my post below. That baby gave us the most amazing gift of knowledge, to provide a safe place for its brothers and sisters.

Today I got a barely there line on my HPT, I am 6dp3dt. I will not believe it yet. I don;t know if its real, or my mind placing it there because I want it so badly on today of all days.

I miss my baby, and I am desperate for these 2. PLEASE universe...let this be IT.

Friday, September 11, 2009

The Baby That Wasn't

I am hiding behind this IVF. I am letting the happiness of having beautiful embryos ride over the sadness I feel in the bottom of my heart.

Its very hard to be happy and sad at the same time. All infertiles experience it from one degree to another.

For some its the idea of where they would be had they got pregnant right away. Would you have an infant, a kindergartner, a schoolage child even. I would have a one year old. For others its the due date or loss date of a first pregnancy that never pans out....that is where I am My Due date is coming up, and it happens to coincide with this IVF. I haven;t yet figured out in my heart if that is good or bad....I think it just IS. Even more, for others its the date their baby was born extremely prematurely, or even stillborn, it is devastating.

These things happen, most of the general public don't realize it, they go about their 9 months naive to all of the possibilities. I hope with our blogs we can open up the eyes of the general public...so they can see this happens, and we can get further empathy.

My Due Date is(was to be) on Wednesday. I could potentially get a positive pregnancy test on Wednesday. I do not know how I will react. I miss that baby, that baby...had it stayed put, may have been in my arms, right now. But that was not meant to be. I can go through all of the what ifs, and what does it do....it doesn't change anything.

The past is what has made me. If I had not lost that baby, we would not know I had MTHFR, we would not be treating it with blood thinners and high dose folic acid, and it could put these little embryos at risk. If I had still been pregnant....we would not be where we are today.

Of course I wish I would have just been pregnant and gone about my life, naive like the others(to a degree), but past events have shaped my life, and though its been hard, it has made me stronger, more aware of choices I may make in the future.

So coming up to this loss....I thank you baby, out there somewhere, looking over me, for making a safe place for your brothers and sisters to grow, for if it weren't for you, they would not be possible.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Show and Tell: My Em-Babies :)

Transfer today went AMAZING!

we transferred 2 beautiful embryos today. No grading, but I could tell their beauty. I will post a picture below.

We had 3 of equal beauty to freeze, and 2 others that might be frozen at blastocyst stage if they catch up (they have been a bit behind). This is FABULOUS NEWS. I wish we had more obviously, but we have frozen embryos and I am so grateful for that!

Now we just wait. and Hope these babies want to stick around.

Go see what everyone else is showing Here!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


tomorrow at 1130am EST. I am SO EXCITED. I could just jump up and down....but that would hurt...so I won't.

Having lost 2 IUI babies...I could use all the baby cememt anyone has left over to make these 2 stick.

I also have this insane fear that tomorrow when we get to the clinic they are going to tell me all my babies turned to dust....that is irrational right?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Fertilization Report

well not the news I was hoping for!

We had 20 eggs retrieved and 12 of them fertilized. Only 7 of those that were fertilized are dividing appropriately. So in 24 hours we have lost more than half of our potential babies already. I am hoping these 7 are strong and stick around for a while.

Does anyone have experience with this...I just don't know whats NORMAL to expect, being our first IVF.

Oh...and sorry for being a bad blog reader/commenter...I just have not been into it and have NO excuse. I will try to make it better this week while resting.

Monday, September 7, 2009


Everything went well. Really really well.

We got there early...I wanted to, because I am a hard poke for an IV...but that was a waste because they waited until 11amish to start the IV. I waited and had a massage in the massage chairs(they have no stretchers, all reclining massage chairs with heat). I was really nervous last night, but felt better this am, until we got to the IVF suites.

I got changed into my lovely blue attire and I had on one of my fancy scrub hats from work (all of the nurses at the clinic want these now...so I will have to figure out how to make them). She got my IV in after some fist pumping and slapping of the vein (but it was only a 22gauge, so it was teeny tiny). My Dr was actually on time, and I was the first retrieval of the day so we went back only shortly after 1130. We went back to a bigger room afterward where both T and I got a massage chair.

The Retrieval was awesome...I felt GOOD! The DR told T I am definitely not a cheap drunk, because I needed a lot of meds. T looked hilarious in his OR gear too...too cute! I got to watch them retrieving the eggs from the follicles on a screen to my right, and watch the lab finding the eggs in the fluid on a screen to my right. I told all the nurses in the room this was too cool for me...with my scientific brain...I was eating it up!

There were a lot of people in the room, because my BP was really high....but it settled a bit. and they had to keep reminding me to breathe because my O2 sats went down, to 85 or something(from all the drugs). I told them those numbers don't scare me, I was used to much scarier values at work! I also told them IUI's are boring...compared to IVF....which is totally true, but I was hopped up on meds too. I think they all got a kick out of me.

I had some water after, and some cookies. Proved I could pee...so my IV came out and I went home. We got home around 2pm and I went to sleep.

Now I am having some spotting and cramping...hoping to fee better tomorrow! We had 20 eggs retrieved, and find out tomorrow about fertilization.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Ready, Aim, Fire!!!

Trigger TONIGHT!!!

Monday Retrieval!

I am so excited/nervous/scared/crazy! I am anxious about the sedation....I do not sedate easily. I am nervous for the IV...I have shitty veins. I really hope we get a lot of mature eggs that fertilize well.

We have 20ish follicles that look mature, and a few that don't...I am hoping for 15 to fertilize...is that too much to ask? Maybe...but this is our ONE shot at this....so I am hoping!

I feel a million times better too...not as bloated as a few days ago, so I am hoping we will miss the OHSS train. Trigger is at 1230 tonight....woot!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I Owe An IVF Update

I have seen the RE twice now without updating...shame on me. I will update by appointment:

Tuesday Sept 1st:

Still have those follicles hanging around, now they measure in and around 14mm, keep meds the same Tuesday, Decrease Gonal F to 150IU and Increase Repronex to 150IU Wednesday, return for another check on Thursday.

Thursday Sept 3rd:

Still 20ish follicles, now measuring 17-18mm on average, some lagging at 13, some ahead at 20,21. Decrease Gonal F to 75IU, increase Repronex to 225IU, return for another check on the growth tomorrow.

So I will update here again tomorrow. I am suspicious that they will trigger tomorrow night for a Sunday retrieval....this came SO FAST...the first part of the IVF goes so slow, but once the stims came it happened so quickly.

I am also suffering some mild OHSS already, so I have been drinking the gatorade like its going out of style, they also said to drink a lot of water and eat salty foods, so I have been trying. I have bloating, and my ovaries are very sore. I think with action on this now, hopefully we can have it gone or prevent it from really getting any worse by retrieval.