Love...Life...Hapiness

My Baby is still in there, its absolutely amazing, I think he/she will be a dancer! It was moving around like crazy! I hope everyone gets to experience this one day it is truly a miracle. Baby was measuring a day ahead 11w1d. Heartbeat was 158. We couldn't get a profile view, only head on, and of course a bum shot with long legs too...gets that from its daddy probably! U/S tech thought it could be a boy, but were choosing not to find out gender.

I haven't been feeling well. I have been very nauseous and have no appetite, I have lost 15lbs since before the IVF. My RE said he will note that in the referral to my OB, along with the kajillion other issues I have in my regular life. I have my NT scan next week, but we are opting not to do any other screening. I honestly don;t even really care about the NT measurement, it doesn't really mean anything other than further testing which we won;t be doing. Basically I am just excited to have more peeks at baby to be reassured that s/he is doing well. We will have a level 2 u/s at 19 weeks though, to make sure everything is structurally normal, because that is my main concern, that theres no potentially fatal, or life threatening defects.

Thats about all thats going on over here, only 4 more days of PIO shots, woohoo!

How the Hell....

I am 10 weeks today....how the hell did that happen? It seems to be flying by already, I feel like I just found out yesterday still.

I had another u/s yesterday, everything is still going just fine, baby is doing just fine, and this might actually mean I am safe, I have a 99% chance of having a baby next year....a real live baby.

So enter freak out mode...um...I don't know what to do with a baby...I have never had a baby. I mean ya, I deliver babies, but I deal with brand new babies, not like growing, screaming babies. Does all first time moms have this freak out? I really hope so...tell me I'm not alone :S

I have been terrible at keeping up to date on here, I started this place just as a keeper of information I can look back on to have. Well once I got past my miscarriage date I started a written journal. and honestly there's a whole lot of nothing going on...absolutely nothing. I have symptoms, but no different than they have been, and there will be no belly pics for a while...because, I am starting from a pre-flubbed state.

I am thrilled to report that I have had not one single drop of bleeding...that's the biggest thing I worried about, and there has been none *knock on wood*. With that I am relieved.

I had quite the experience in the fertility clinic yesterday. I really don't understand some people. I get that it was a Sunday, so there would probably be a few kids, I am not kidding you when I say that there were a good 10 kids or more in there. I see a few things wrong with this. we can assume that seeing kids in general (especially kids under say 2 years old) its hard on the heart for infertiles, so why people bring their kids is beyond me. It still hurts my heart, and I am 10 weeks pregnant. It is hard for me to look at these kids. Another reason, kids are so freaking germy, and half of these kids probably also go to daycare during the week, and with all the H1N1 going around, keep your kids at home, when you are around a population potentially at high risk for this virus. I will pay kudos to the clinic for getting rid of all of their toys during this outbreak of H1N1. But about half of the parents were very vocal about how pissed they were that there were no toys...bring your own, then your child can keep his/her germs to themselves. T and I moved to a different area of the waiting room to avoid the germs, and to be able to hear ourselves think.

Oh and on the topic of H1N1. I can;t get the vaccine, I have had both a vaccine reaction to the seasonal flu vaccine, and I'm immunocomprimised, so we have a problem. I am literally staying in my home all the time, other than to go to work. And T got vaccinated last week (after waiting in line 7 hours at a vaccine clinic) so we should be ok here, as long as we do what we can to prevent it.

last but not least....yesterdays pic.

8w5d Ultrasound and update

Today was a good day...and let me start by being sorry that I am only updating on things once a week...but thinks are really uneventful, and for that I am so grateful.

On Monday and Tuesday I had a lot of pregnancy symptoms, tired nearly constantly and throwing up even with the z.ofran on board. But the rest of the week has been great, only slight queasiness and not feeling really up to eating.

I feel bad that I am only coming on posting U/S pics. In reality I live each day in fear that I am going to lose this baby like the other 2. I don't know when that's going to go away, I thought it would after today, but its still there. Its really sucks that I can't just enjoy being pregnant today, but thats what happens when its been ripped away from you before.

Anyways....today's u/s was a big day for me. This week was the week I lost the first pregnancy, at 8w3d. Today is 8w5d. And I am so glad to say that everything looked GREAT! Baby was moving all around, we could see the brain and spine, and a beautiful Heartbeat of 162. And the baby also now measures right on time, at 8w5d. This is the most amazing picture I have ever seen, and will probably stare at it until next Sunday when I have my next u/s.

I hope you all get to experience this very soon, if you aren't already, its absolutely amazing! To come from infertility, failed treatments, and losses, to this...is truly a miracle!

Amazed, and Thankful!

I was so scared going into today's U/S...I was convinced that it would be bad news...or maybe preparing myself for the worst.

I got in there...had the tech who doesn't talk again! Show the dead baby momma her baby right away PUHLEASE! no, she waits until shes done all of her measurements before she shows me the screen...so not right!

There's still one bean in there, going strong. Measuring 7w3d, which us great since a week ago it was measuring 6w3d. HB was 149. I am very happy. I am so grateful for this. They scan recurrent pregnancy loss patients weekly until 12 weeks. So I go in again on Saturday for another scan. I hope its great, and that next week, it actually looks baby-like rather than like fluff.

Oh....pictures....right

Baby's first U/S

We have a baby! One little bean, measuring 6w3d. A couple days behind, but thats ok. Also had a heartbeat of 132 bpm. Happy, but still nervous and cautious.

Morning Sickness at its Best

(6w4d)

Today I have had morning sickness at its best. I feel awful, and does it seriously even count as morning sickness when you don;t actually throw up? I WISH I was puking, because I know I would feel better if I did. its just sitting there, at the top of my stomach, taunting me, makeing me feel like crud all day.

I decided this morning it was so bad I would start taking my di.clectin. After an 8 hour sleep last night, after taking the di.clectin i slept an additional 8 hours today....so that just won't cut it. And I didn't even feel any better when I woke up. I have a call in to the clinic hoping for a script for z.ofran.

On a more upbeat note....my u/s is tomorrow! YAY! 18 hours to go...at 8am(ish) tomorrow we find out whats going on in there!

Oh and is it insane of me to want to still pee on HPT's? I know I am pregnant...i just love seeing how dark that line is ;)

5428

I am thrilled, this is the best beta I have EVER had!

U/S October 10th!

3075...this is happening.

Still pregnant, and so blessed.

I am so thrilled to have the miracle of IVF working for us so far. I have been in denial that I am pregnant, other then being tired and occasionally just a bit queasy, I don't feel pregnant at all. And I think I am protecting myself from being excited in case this ends the way the other 2 did.

Today I feel more excited, and like this one might actually work. My first pregnancy my betas never got above 2400 so they did an early u/s rather than keep doing betas. So having betas over that are amazing to me, and I feel like this means its meant to be.

I told my employer and co-workers, and the entire world now. I feel better that people know. Everyone is thrilled, and thankfully my co-workers understand why I am not feeling excited, but very scared.

My clinic apparently goes by Transfer date as conception date, rather than retrieval date. So I am not considered as far along as I am. I think that retrieval date makes more sense and is more accurate. So I guess my due date is somewhere between May31st and June 3rd. Does anyone know why they do this, or does your clinic do this too?

So far I have had no bleeding, which, the first time I bled from 3.5 weeks until the day I lost the baby...so that makes me feel good.

I am also not knowing what to talk about, being a pregnant infertile, on an infertility blog. I don;t want to hurt those that are still waiting for their Miracle, but its important for me to keep my thoughts here too...so that I have some documentation on it. So I understand if people aren't reading anymore, or if it is hard for them to read/comment. I have had a bit of trouble at time with pregnancy blogs....I mean I am happy for them, but it was hard. I hope I am not going to be insensitive, and If I am, please, leave a comment or shoot me an email and tell me!

Will try to post more often, about more than just being pregnant, I promise.

1696

or...almost double. Thank goodness!

877

ie: Not double....FML