No News....

BFN today. I thought I had a very faint positive, but 2 negative tests after that confirmed I didn't.

I am only 7-8 DPO today though, tons of time left for that line to show up!

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Pregnancy symptoms that is....

pink spotting, aching breasts, and a couple more twinges....I would say its pretty obvious as this is exactly like I felt in December, I will test tonight and twice a day, now!

New Look

I hope everyone likes the new look to the blog. I wanted a change, the green was getting to me.

I am a week through the 2WW. It went rather quickly actually. I am going to start testing tonight, just for fun. I said I would wait until Wednesday, but who am I kidding!

I had some cramping yesterday, and a nice strong twinge. What might be a temp dip today, but I think my temp the other day was just High. you can see my chart here. Has anyone had a faint positive at 7dpo, or how many dpo were you when you got yours? My last pregnancy was 11dpo.

I will update if I get any other pregnancy symptoms (I have tons, but I am on progesterone) or if I get a BFP.

I got me a Fancy Countdown Clock!

I have seen nicer ones though....I wish I knew how to gadget and widget up my blog, but I am so bad at it.

its my countdown to my 2WW (two week wait) I will totally test before then, I am thinking next wednesday (6 days to go!) but probably won't see anything until the weekend if it is there!

so now you can all obsess with me.

So as far as my meds go...progesterone still sucks, its been one day of it and I am already feeling the effects. Fragmin sucks too, needles everyday is not my idea of fun! don;t know how I will do 9 months of this...please tell me it gets easier! and my TSH was 3.8 so I think I need to get on some synthroid, ideal TSH levels in the first trimester are 3 or less...so I am a bit above that! I need to put in a call to my endocrinologist tomorrow to let him know this and see what he says.

so I am a medicated fool...doing my best to keep this bean in this time if it works!

IUI 2.2

Done nd I am at home relaxing. Had a nice nap this afternoon.

I had a wonderful woman, R.uth, do my IUI this time (RE has never done it yet, its always been one of his nurses or one of his colleagues). R.uth put me at ease, answered all of my questions, explained the fragmin shot, and to stop it if I am bleeding (I am glad she reminded me about this).

T's count was 69 million (and this keep in mind is IUI 2, so this is after only 24 hours since last)....holy! She joked that he could get everyone in the waiting room knocked up, but of course I will be the only one to get it! So clearly sperm is NOT our issue, just in case we were wondering. He is such a show off! Yesterdays count was 43 million.

So now we wait, April 6th is my beta, but we are out of town, so I have a requisition to go to a lab where we are, and then will call the RE to let them know I did it and to call for results. I will of course do HPT's starting in a week though, so If I get a + then I will see the RE before I go away.

If you are Fertilly Challenged

and want a fun place to hang out!

Stirrup Queens Ballroom

A great place for us to connect instantly!

IUI 2.1 (IUI 1 of Cycle 2)

it went well, we were there until almost noon...nearly 5 hours. we got lost in the shuffle, our RE had to go before the sperm was washed(how long does it take to bathe a sperm...seriously?) and we were forgotten until T said something.

It was more uncomfortable this time, and I have been more crampy afterward than I was last time. IUI 2.2 is tomorrow, and then I start progesterone suppositories (3x daily) and fragmin injections (not sure how many times/day). I will continue on my baby aspirin, and start my prescription prenatal vitamin tonight.

Anyone have tips for making it easier to do the fragmin shots?? I am really nervous about this.

They worked...holy what a surprise!

OPK's

Clinic called, my blood work showed my LH surge (obviously) so we go for IUI tomorrow and Wednesday.

oh and let me try to upload these dang OPK pics again.... geez still not working...I will add them later AGAIN.

Positive OPK, and the Digital Agrees

I went for another follicle scan today, follicle was 20mm still, RE said I will probably ovulate tomorrow. I told him I got a positive OPK last night, and he said yep definitely will ovulate tomorrow. I came home to pee on more sticks...because that's all I do! Both the e p t ones and now my C.learb.lue Digital say its time!

So people...IUI tomorrow! they are going to call me today to confirm with my bloodwork results, but I am sure it is!

eta....I can't seem to upload pics, so I will try again later!

Ummm...I wasn't expecting this... but hoping!

I got a Positive OPK...well kinda, I will put a pic so you can see.

So I peed on one from a website, that I have heard they are very good. I think they are since I didn't get a positive after the miscarriage. it looks totally positive to me. So I took a digital with the same pee, negative. so my eye is fooling me, but I am sure my surge is coming in the next few hours.

What amazing things our pee can do huh?

Oh right the pic....tell me if you think its positive or only close.....



Oh BTW....the top one is from 545PM tonight and the bottom one is from 845PM...only 3 hours made such a difference!

Follie Check...are you getting as tired of these as me?

so go figure the follicle grew another 2mm, its at 20mm now. the Dr said natural cycles tend to ovulate around 24-25mm, so looks like maybe Tuesday sometime. I hope not any later than Tuesday.

She explained to me a bit better why they don't trigger natural cycles, but I could not regurgitate it here if I tried my hardest. I really liked her, I like most everyone at the clinic though so thats no surprise, it was the same doc that did my HSG back in October.

So I go back tomorrow, for...wait for it.....you guessed it...ANOTHER follicle check, and bloodwork. hopefully I surge tomorrow and ovulate Tuesday, thats my plan, I wonder if my ovaries will co-operate!?!

Follicle Check

18mm, and yesterday is was 16mm not 15 like I had put down.

NO trigger shot, which confused me, since we did last time in the exact same scenario, CD12, follicle 18mm. He said he doesn't like to trigger on a natural cycle..umm...ok...we did last time!? I reminded him we did and also let him no I don't ovulate on my own any earlier than CD15 in the past, and its usually closer to CD18 as long as CD24. I guess we will see, and just go in for daily follicle viewing until the BIG day. I am kinda frustrated. My CBFM is low still, OPK's have NO second line at all, I really don't think its near 'on my own'. I guess maybe ovulation is a problem for me then too...maybe my eggs are ready by CD12 but my hormones aren't and the eggs get old? I don't know, I am just making assumptions.

Part of me is dreaming that I actually ovulate on my own tonight/tomorrow, but that would be a miracle I think.

Follicle Check

Well we went for our follicle check U/S today. One follicle 15mm in size. RE said that we would trigger at 18-20mm, so it looks like probably Sunday. We go back tomorrow for another follicle check, maybe it will be ready, but I doubt it. It will probably be a trigger on Sunday and IUI's Monday and Tuesday.

Please everybody send some baby dust and sticky vibes!

I'm all Ears

I am feeling so nervous knowing that we will likely be doing an insemination within the week. I am just so nervous this time will end like it did the last time, that I will be unable to work, that it won't work at all.

There are so many thoughts and emotions running wild in my head. And to top it off I am on CD8 today, and I am spotting and cramping a bit. I have NO CLUE why I am spotting, I am not ovulating my OPK's are negative, and my fertility monitor doesn't want a test yet, so I don't even know if my fertility is high. I imagine it will want a test tomorrow.

So if anyone has insight into why I may be spotting (is this normal post m/c?) or how to get past my fear of becoming pregnant again, or failing to become pregnant...please...I am all ears (eyes?)

CD3 - Fun times to be had this cycle

Holy MAN does the dildo cam hurt today. I guess sensitive after the miscarriage.

I had my CD3 workup today. hey don;t have results from my blood clotting workup, apparently the tests they did can take up to 3 months to come back. So I found out I will be on Fragmin anyway (heparin). I start on baby aspirin starting today. And will do 100mg Progesterone suppositories 3 times a day.

I am really not looking forward to the fragmin injection everyday. I will get my coworkers to do it when I work, but DH will need to when I don't, unless I can convince a nurse friend to come over and do it.

I go back for more blood work and ultrasound on CD11. I hope there's a nice follicle or 2 growing in there by then. I'm so excited to be moving forward. I stopped in at work after my appointment and everyone at work was commenting that I looked better. So I guess the happiness shows!

P.S. I should have taken a picture of the insane bruise I had from my blood work for the clotting workup...I think its probably safe to say I have a clotting issue as the blood settled about an inch away from the actual site. Yay fragmin for 9 months...URGH. I will look like a beaten mommy :(

ETA: I also found out someone I am fairly close with is pregnant and due just 2 weeks after I was originally due. I am so excited for her though. She said she was worried to spill the beans because of what I was going through, And a week or so ago I may not have been so happy for her, but now was good timing to hear.

Cycle Day One

Here we go again...I didn't think I would be saying those words...Cycle Day One...for a long time! We will go in for CD3 blood work Thursday, and get the infertility treatment ball rolling again. This past month+ has actually gone by pretty quickly for me!

Has anyone seen my fertility?

apparently someone found it... I am young, going to be 25 this year, but I am infertile.

I am sick of finding out that people from my past are getting 'accidentally' pregnant. A past friend from elementary school is having her 4th in August I just found out today....I was heartbroken. She is 2 months older than me and having her 4th child! I know its not in the best situations that she has had them, and she was very young when she started...but 4! She found my fertility that I lost!

The other thing that killed me today was an 'acquaintance' who was insensitive about my miscarriage and decided to announce to me she was pregnant at the same time, is 10 weeks and thinks shes feeling the baby move...I just want to say to her "you have gas, you moron!"

That was my day...how was yours?

RE-do

like the catchy title?

So we went to the RE today, our first appointment post Miscarriage. It was a GREAT appointment.

so much was said and planned I am going to try to put it all here without it coming out diarrhea like.

Lets break it down:

To try to find out why the miscarriage could have happened:
he ordered blood tests to check for clotting disorders. The blood work hurt more than it has ever hurt before, and they took more than they did at my first appointment.

To try to prevent Miscarriage the next time around:
I will be taking baby aspirin and a higher dose of progesterone than I did last time, and start the prescription prenatals as soon as ovulation occurs. Depending on the results of the blood work I may also need to be on Fragmin injections daily (blood thinner), and will likely be on bedrest during the first trimester if anything funny goes on at all.

To get pregnant again:
We will do IUI again, its unlikely my CM has changed at all, but we aren't preventing so if It happens on its own thats ok too. We will do natural cycle IUI unless my follicle(s) look like crap.

I decided to adress my concerns about # of beta draws and hearing the heartbeat asap when that time comes, its not so important as getting this plan in place.

I expect that I will have scans as soon as I get a positive beta, just so they can monitor changes, and will probably have them more frequently as well. He said this time he wants to keep me at the clinic through the first trimester, which is fine, I will probably see my OB as well because she will want me too, we just won;t discuss that with him.*wink wink* He also said if I were in his care for the miscarraige he would have done a D&C (in office, they just dilate the cervix and remove the tissue, rather than the removal of the lining and everything) so they could test the tissue for genetic abnormalities. To be honest as much as I would have liked to know if that was the issue, I would not want the D&C at all, so had I known, I would have saved the tissue for him.

So thats the plan, bring on the period so we can get going with this.

And on a side note, I am doing much better emotionally, and I feel ready for work definitely now. I think I just needed to know we were moving ahead with things to feel better, I just felt like I was in limbo.

Work

well it was interesting.

I walked in, I cried. It was too much just being there. I asked to scrub instead of having a patient at first, that went well. then about halfway through the shift, we had become so busy I just didn't have time to think about what was actually going on. I just did what I was trained to do. Then I got in my car, and everything I had done/seen that night came flooding back to me, and I realized, that even though I can function at work, I was emotionally not well after.

we had 3 sets of twins that night, 35, 31, and 27 weeks gestation, and was really not something I was ready for, I thought I could just breeze through it, but I had to be intimately involved, and we were just so busy. I didn't go back Saturday Night.

I don't know how to explain to people that I really am doing well, and I could function at work, but I just can't be there, right now. I will try it again on Wednesday night though I think, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I imagined myself losing it in a patient room, and not being able to explain myself, but I held it together quite well.

We see the RE tomorrow. I can't remember if I posted or not, but I finally got a hold of his office and the secretary offered me an appointment for April 3rd....to which I responded, um....NO. She said hes here this week, but not doing appointments, and then hes on holidays for 3 weeks. She suggested coming in during clinic hours, I won't get a long appointment, but can talk with him about my concerns and our plan for next cycle, whenever that happens. I am on CD24 now, and no sign ovulation is even near.