IVF on hold...indefinitely

So a lovely, wonderful friend of mine has been helping with my research into my conditions.

There was a study which found that increased homocysteine levels was associated with poor egg quality....I wish I could post the study, but I really don't know how...I will try though.

Journal Article

So I am deciding to put the IVF on hold, at least for now.

I will try One more IUI I think once my levels normalize, because I am suspicious pregnancy wasn't achieved maybe because of the crappy eggs.

So we will try back again once:

1. My homocysteine level normalizes
2. My TSH comes to 2 or lower
3. I have a confirmation about my folic acid suspicions and get a different form of treatment for it.

If he doesn't agree, I guess it will be time for a new RE.

So Starts IVF #1

the hag is here, we are on the road to IVF #1.

However we have hut another road bump. It is likely I don't absorb folic acid. Dang.

So I figured this out on my own. You see, because of m Crohn's disease I had a bowel resection, after said bowel resection I had to go on vitamin B12 injections(once monthly) for the rest of my life. Just yesterday I was thinking, hmm folate is a B vitamin, I wonder what part of the body absorbs it. You guessed it...same part of the bowel that I don't have anymore, g.r.e.a.t!

The ONLY reason I was thinking of this was because of the MTHFR, and the increased dose of folic I am on, I thought to myself, I wonder how we know if I am even getting enough...and I thought, hmm.

Anyway, so I will talk to RE about this tomorrow, I wonder if this is a reason as well for not getting pregnant again, and it looks like i will need to be on folic acid injections....add that to the list of needles just to TRY to get pregnant...sheesh....this is exhausting.

I feel like the last few weeks have been a huge JOKE on me. like what else can the universe dump on my head right now....anything? (BTW Universe....I am not asking for anything to be dumped..PUHLEASE)

Can y'all Say IVF???

That's where we are headed now. Beta was negative.

The RE was willing to do one more IUI, but with the crappy sperm count and motility, and the fact that injectables are 2grand, I said I would feel better going straight to IVF. Apparently, the sperm were bad enough last IUI for him to recommend ICSI. I don't remember exactly what the counts are, but maybe if the sample is better we can veto that decision.

We did not have a sperm issue when we started this, so this puzzles me. Is it the lack of sex we are having because my area is constantly under the microscope? Is it the summer heat? Who knows, but what I do know is we have to do our best to improve it.

He thinks we will do well with IVF, and I hope this is true, I am ready for my miracle...and we can't afford to do IVF more than ONE time....so we have ONE chance...

Am I Selfish?

I have been having these thoughts. The MTHFR diagnosis is worrying me seriously.

I do not have the ideal environment to gestate a potential baby, even without the MTHFR. I could be passing on health problems, Genetic disorders. It could be a very complicated pregnancy. On the other hand it could also be a wonderful happy healthy pregnancy.

I am having a hard time with the MTHFR. If we had known about it before doing IUI's, the first pregnancy (and possibly the subsequent chemical) could have been saved. I could be 31 weeks pregnant RIGHT NOW. I am grateful to know this now, so we can do our best in subsequent pregnancies (if we ever do get there again).

I do NOT like the fragmin injections. I have to take them every 12 hours. they burn, a lot! And if I get pregnant, I have to take them through the entire pregnancy. And if I go into labour on my own, and have had a fragmin injection in the previous 24 hours, I will NOT be able to get an epidural.

I know these are all "what if's", I know this is just crazy thinking, I know that having that cuddly awesome baby at the end will make it all worth it. At this moment, I just don't visualize that end result right now.

MTHFR and Cycle Update

So I got the blood work back finally.

I am homozygous for MTHFR C677T variant. which basically means I inherited this variety from both parents. anywhere from 5-10% of the population has this. Which is surprising to me, we really don't see many patients with this at work...but I assume that because it results in pregnancy loss, and these people don't realize they have it.

Oh the cycle news. Tomorrow is IUI 6.1 and Wednesday will be 6.2. I took femara this cycle and it made a huge difference symptom wise. I felt 100% better than when I was on clomid. I have 2 main follicles at 22 and 20mm and one that is 15 that could mature in time fr ovulation.

I really hope this is it. This is our last try at IUI, we will take a break if this doesn't work, then on to IVF.

New Day, New Diagnosis

and that diagnosis folks is.....

MTHFR (Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase)

and in a nutshell if you haven't heard of it before...

it causes issues with absorption of folic acid, which possibly leads to Neural Tube Defects and/or Chromosomal abnormalities. If that wasn't enough for you it also increases homocysteine in the blood, which leads to increased clotting...which could throw a clot to the placenta, or just prevent a healthy placenta from developing.

Google it for better information...but these are my lay-peoples terms for it...and I can't even pronounce the condition!

Questions and Answers with Dr. L

So I saw the RE today, to discuss our lack of success and what to do this time.

I asked him....

Q: How many more IUI's he expects to do
A: One with femara and one with injectables...oh accept that injectables cost a pretty penny, so if it's not covered under our plan I am not wasting them on an IUI.

Q: What do we do after that (har har I knew this answer but he didn't need to know that)
A: IVF

Q: Is it possible that there is something preventing me from getting pregnant?
A:Could be, he looked at my miscarriage, and I told him the u/s I had after showed everything was clear, and I didn't have a D&C so there wouldn't be scar tissue. He doesn't think this is an issue, but agrees that its strange I got pregnant so easily, then have had 4 failed cycles since.

Q: Is there any testing that we haven't done yet, how have my tests been so far?
A: All the clotting workup was fine...so a clotting disorder did NOT cause my miscarriage (Yay..gotta be happy about something huh?) We haven't done a lap...to check for endometriosis...so he went back and looked at my original workup questionnaire, said it's possible with my symptoms that I could have some endo, and I told him my symptoms have gotten wore as we have gone through fertility treatments. He said at this point though, it would be a 3-4 month wait for that surgery..and it's a surgery(which will be difficult with my past history of abdominal surgeries) He said if we get to IVF, the endo wouldn't affect it anyways.

I think that's about it, I am glad that he and I are on the same page about things, I really didn't want to do more than 1 IUI before moving forward, but I am happy hes not going to try things more than once before moving on.

I did forget to ask what endo does to affect/prevent pregnancy....does anyone know?

I have a feeling that T's plan won't cover these injectables anyway, so we would only be doing this cycle before moving on to IVF.

Losing My Mind

I am having an extremely hard time dealing with my emotions after this most recent cycle failure.

in front of us sit 2 options that I see feasible..

1) Do IUI#6 with clomid or femara, pray that it works so we won;t need to drop the cash on IVF
2)Take a break in July and use August for the month long birth control pills before IVF in September

By the way, September was originally my Due Date...so that's depressing right there...talking about potential baby-making happening when I was supposed to be baby-having.

I cried myself to sleep Monday night after the news of our negative beta. Why this one hurt me so much more than all of the others, I am not sure. It could be because it brings us so much closer to the end, it could be that i also came home to read an acquaintance's joyous announcement of"we're pregnant and its a boy!". It could be the fact I thought this HAD to work, how does it not, when there are 3 follicles and I got pregnant so easily with only one on our first IUI.

I realize now how I took IUI#1's success for granted. I went into #2 thinking it was going to be so easy, we just had to figure out how to STAY pregnant now. #2 resulted in a chemical. Still thinking this is a breeze...and have yet to be pregnant again.

I have lost the upbeat, positive attitude I have had toward this whole process now.

I feel angry, bitter, sad, disappointed, broken.

Now what I need is advice and opinion....do I go with IUI#6 or do you think its a waste of time and money at this point given my history. I honestly think I should just break in July and prep for IVF in August. Oh and I know bits and pieces about IVF...only from what I hear here and there from other blogs and a couple friends who have had it. So what does an IVF cycle look like, and what is with the different types of protocols?

Thanks for the support and well wishes!