Friday, July 17, 2009

Am I Selfish?

I have been having these thoughts. The MTHFR diagnosis is worrying me seriously.

I do not have the ideal environment to gestate a potential baby, even without the MTHFR. I could be passing on health problems, Genetic disorders. It could be a very complicated pregnancy. On the other hand it could also be a wonderful happy healthy pregnancy.

I am having a hard time with the MTHFR. If we had known about it before doing IUI's, the first pregnancy (and possibly the subsequent chemical) could have been saved. I could be 31 weeks pregnant RIGHT NOW. I am grateful to know this now, so we can do our best in subsequent pregnancies (if we ever do get there again).

I do NOT like the fragmin injections. I have to take them every 12 hours. they burn, a lot! And if I get pregnant, I have to take them through the entire pregnancy. And if I go into labour on my own, and have had a fragmin injection in the previous 24 hours, I will NOT be able to get an epidural.

I know these are all "what if's", I know this is just crazy thinking, I know that having that cuddly awesome baby at the end will make it all worth it. At this moment, I just don't visualize that end result right now.


  1. ((hugs))
    I wish it were not so difficult!!

  2. Shannon - you have the RIGHT to have a pity party... I don't know why this has to be so hard for you... it's so unfair. I don't know what else to say, except I love ya and I am sending you postiive thoughts. WHEN it DOES HAPPEN all of this will have been worth it - I promise.

  3. when i was giving myself HCG shots before my first surgery i would cry almost every time.

    you're definitely allowed to feel story for yourself, please don't feel bad.

  4. (here from LFCA) I definitely understand your worries and fears. I was diagnosed with MTHFR as well (compound hetero), and am currently 10w4d pregnant, after a miscarriage. Doing lovenox (similar to fragmin) shots daily. It's definitely not fun. But it also definitely doesn't make you selfish, to want what all that hard work can maybe provide in the end. *hugs*

  5. I don't know if this helps or hinders, but its actually quite unlikely that the MtHFR mutation made all the difference. The link to pregnancy outcomes is quite weak, and unless the levels of proteins like protein S were out of whack (did they test these?), then treating the MTHFR with fragmin is just a case of being very conservative and trying to do their best.

    I know the injections sting, but you get used to it - and the blue and yellow tummy you get as a consequence! When the nurses did the injections for me in hospital they were much better at not bruising, and I noticed they were much quicker with the needle than I was, plus they went out in diagonally rather than at 90 degrees. Worth a try?

    You also don't need to be on the injections for the whole pregnancy. Recent treatment protocols say to stop at 24 weeks if the placenta looks well established with strong blood flow. I've done that in both my pregnancies (I have the C67T mutation) and been fine.

    Hang in there, this is a tough time.

  6. Thanks Everyone.

    Thalia, that is good information. Unfortunately my case is associated with elevated homocysteine levels, so I need the shots, and will the entire pregnancy(If I should be o lucky to get pregnant again). I also find when I do the shots myself they aren't as bad, but even when I get my coworkers(nurses) to do them in places I can't reach it hurts more, so I think it just plain hurts when someone else does it. I tried icing it before hand, but that just helps with the stick, not the burn.

    I am in the mindset at this point, that I have worked so hard at acheiving a pregnancy, that I don't to go off the thinner shots even if they told me I could. Because I have spent thousands of dollars and 2 years of my life at this, so not easy to acheive, so I will suffer to maintain it if I have to.

    How did your pregnancies go Thalia, after you went off the blood thinner? did you have any complications?

  7. Hi,
    I am in the same vote as you. I was diagnosed with MTHFR (C677T) and I have 4 days to think about if I want to go through with the one injection a day Fragmin, baby aspirin and Progesterone. I had 2 miscarriages before I found this out. My worry is that during unexpected unforseen circumstance that I might die because of the blood thinner. I don't know if it's selfish either. Isn't pregnancy supposed to be a beautiful experience. It isn't fair but then again life isn't fair and taking that choice to extend our family isn't fair either. I haven't made a decision yet. What do you think?