Friday, February 27, 2009

Back to Work

for real this time...unlike last. Nothing to get in the way.

Today I feel: tired, nauseous, nervous, scared.

I don't know if I am ready, but the ONLY was to find out is to do it. Will my co-workers think I'm a big baby if I flake out, will they look down on me? I am known for being strong....I can get through anything, people think. In the past 5 years I have has 2 life changing diagnoses, lost both of my parents, my grandmother, Trevor's Uncle, been through a scary surgery for Trevor's father, and infertility. Oh and got married and moved 1000 miles away from our friends and family.

I am just so ready to start having more positives in my life, no more losing people and being sick, more of the happy times like we had when we got married. When we got pregnant finally I was so excited, I had convinced myself that we had been through so much crap already than there was no way we were going to miscarry, I knew the statistics, I'm an L&D nurse, I knew what *could* happen. Then I started spotting, knew it can be normal, but I just knew it was doomed.

Anyways, so now I have to go to work, and face happy women completing their families, who have no clue what I have just been through. I don't know if I can do it, I don't know if I am ready. I am afraid that because people know me as a strong person that my true emotions will be hidden, I will let you all know how it goes, I don't have high hopes.


  1. Hope you survive work. It would be incredibly, incredibly hard for me.

    Good luck! The good thing about low expectations is that they usually turn out ok. Hopefully your fear of returning is the worst. There will be some horrid times but you can do this.


  2. I hope you're return to work goes well. Don't worry about what your coworkers think - do whatever you need to to stay sane.