Conception

This is what I like to think happen in there...hahaha

Conception

Less than a Week Until the Beta

I will start testing tomorrow I think.

I have had a lot of low back pain, and cramping in the front. And I started spotting yesterday and still spotting today.

Why do I get this EVERY SINGLE TIME. I don;t know what to think of it, I always have TONS of symptoms. I just beg that if this is in fact pregnancy please....oh please....LET.IT.STICK!

Fac.ebook...and the Pregnancy Announcement

Don't get me wrong, I am generally happy for people who are expecting children. It is an amazing place to be in one's life, full of life and gifts to come.

But my fac.ebook is one big fat pregnancy announcement right now, and when there isn;t a pregnancy being announced, there's a delivery being announced. Most days I am fine, genuinely happy and congratulating them. Today I am feeling especially barren. it is not one of those days.

I just want for me and fellow infertiles to have the same chance at getting pregnant mere days after getting married...or days and weeks before that in some cases. How is it so easy for these FP (fertile peoples as coined by Eve...my current cycle buddy). They don;t even know HOW to get pregnant...it just happens. They don't know about cycle days, luteal phases, hormones and their purpose. They don'tknow about OPK's, HPT's, DPO's. Yet they get pregnant without even really TTC.

If I stop POAS...and charting, and going to an RE...will I get knocked up so easily???

The answer....NO. How do I know this...because I was this. From early January 08 until April of 08 this was me! I did not chart, POAS, know when I was ovulating, I knew how a cycle worked (being the OB nurse I am) but I seriously thought if we just had sex every couple of days for a few months (if it took that long) we would indeed be pregnant. I had regular cycles, we had no reason to believe anything was wrong with T's bits...so we did it, like fertile people.

Even once I bought the fertility monitor in April I still had no idea we would try so long. I figured we would just chart and POAS and find out when the ideal time to time intercourse would be, so we weren't so exhausted. This did not help either. I started to worry In August that we might have issues, though we might as well do some preliminary bloodwork and a SA for T. Everything looked good accept for a slightly elevated TSH. So we were referred to an RE...first sign I may be...gasp...infertile.

We saw the RE in October...did more tests, all looks good. December (1 year TTC) we have a post coital test..accept the way the RE does it is not so post coital, there was no coitus involved at all it all occurred on a slide with T's sample and a sample of my CM. and low and behold my CM is hostile! 2 almost failed IUI's later and a miscarriage and chemical and here we are at IUI 3.

It turns out if the mucous wasn't an issue I would probably be one of these 'whoops I am pregnant, guess we should get married' people, or FP's for short. But I am not. And now we are looking at a diagnosis of RPL on top of it.

I feel bittersweet about our journey. It has taught me so much, to be patient, live in the moment, have few expectations, and most of all to be grateful for what I do have. But it has been painful, both emotionally and physically, and f.acebook pregnancy announcements are relentless. But with fa.cebook I have been able to help others as someone to reach out to, and to educate them (ever so slightly) on infertility and its pain.

Please F.acebook...let me be the next to announce my pregnancy...and please universe let that pregnancy last a good 9 months!

Oops...

I forgot to update. IUI 3.2 is done and over....went well, I think. It was so fast I didn't even have time to think about what was going on. Count was good 56 million washed. Now we wait...for 2 WEEKS! Beta is on May 5th. I will start testing likely April 30th.

My blood results still aren't finished for the thrombphilia workup post miscarriage. It can take 2-3 months so I wasn't really surprised. He did have some preliminary test results that looked fine.

I started progesterone already this afternoon, and fragmin tonight. I will start the prescription prenatal vitamin tomorrow.

Now go on over and visit my friend Eve because She was 'basted' today too! Wish her well!

One Down One to Go!

IUI 3.1 went smooth as silk. I have been a bit crampy afterward though.

I think our timing of this IUI was really good. they caught the very first part of my surge, since I didn't have any positive OPK's until 12 hours later (and it was barely positive).

T made it back just in time...he came home last night, and he is leaving again on Friday :( and the beta will be the day before we leave on our vacation.

Everyone send sticky vibes to the eggie or 2 that are waiting to be fertilized! I have a good feeling about this!

IUI 3.1 on for tomorrow!

YIKES.

I wasn't expecting this, I have had nearly positive OPK's so I figured maybe tomorrow I would surge. I am glad T is flying home tonight. My two follicles may only be one, the other shrank a bit, but I am still hoping...who knows right.....

So I will let the internets know how it goes. I am nervous and excited, it seems so soon since we had such a break between the last 2.

My Eggies are Growing!

Today is CD11. I have 2 follicles... TWO!!!! One is 15mm and one is 19mm. I am so glad things are going well this cycle already. T is away for work, so he will have to catch a plane home for the IUI, and we will not miss out on the extra chance that this cycle has! RE figures I will surge tomorrow or Wednesday.

I worked all weekend, and I am exhausted, still a bit sick too I think, feeling really pooped. It will be a busy week though :D

A Week in....Already?!?

CD7...already, it went by fast, but that also means in 3 short days I see the RE, and I still feel like crap. Well actually I feel sick again rather than still.

The past week has been wild, I had the period from hell, worst in my life, I had excruciating pain all of last Friday and Saturday, and we were away at the in-laws house, so it was kinda strange. Sunday we left early in the morning for the long drive home (15hours). I felt comfortable in the morning, so was happy about that, but a bit nauseous, not un-common for me, if I don;t wake up on my own time I am usually nauseous in the mornings. about 6 hours into the drive, my husband looks like crap, and about an hour later he had to pull over because he was sick. My mother in-law had a stomach bug the Wednesday/Thursday. A few hours after he was sick so was I. It made for an awful drive home, and I begged him to stop and get a hotel room numerous times. I am glad he did the drive though because it was nice to be in my own space when feeling that crappy. T got over his in the 24 hours that it took his mom as well. I.did.not! I was sick all of Sunday/Monday/Tuesday. I felt great yesterday, until the evening. I figured I just ate too much, and now its actually hard for me to catch my breath/take a deep breath. I hope it gets better. I am not nearly as sick as I was.

So I suppose that's why the week went by quickly, only one more week(ish) until IUI...then the dreaded wait.

Not so sure I am blog material....

I do not know how some of you manage to blog everyday and make it interesting. I am realizing that the bulk of my cycles I am pretty boring!

Some of you blog about how people find you on goo.gle....Mine are seriously not funny.

Some blog about their feelings and emotions of the infertility journey, or how others are perceiving them....mine are constant (most of the time)

Some just blog about everyday stuff and throw in the infertility crap where its relevant...but my regular life is fairly boring....it consists of sleep, eat, catch up on blogs/boards, eat, pee on stick (either OPK or HPT). Or on a day where I work.....sleep, work, sleep, repeat.

So whats interesting in my life right now. Nothing....I am still sick, it was quite an interesting trek across this fine province with both T and I puking our guts out, its a miracle that me made it home in a decent amount of time. He is doing 100% better, I am not.

I am getting so excited for my vacation coming up in May, sun, sand beach, laziness! I can not wait. Oh and one of my favourite people is getting married there too...so that it so exciting.

And today is CD5....so 10 days...ish until we do another IUI. I am really not sure how to feel about this. Part of me always thinks positively and takes it one day at a time, another wants to think doom and gloom and expect the worst. I don't feel like this will be our "keeper" pregnancy cycle. Not sure why. and part of me still feels like the one is far away. But UNIVERSE...I am telling you I will take what you give me...and if you want to give me 2 sticky beans at once i will not complain about that either ;)

Sick....sooo sick

and it's CD4

I was supposed to go on for Bloodwork and u/s today...but I have the stomach flu...so I didn't.

T called the clinic to see if this would prevent doing this cycle. The nurse called back and said it was fine since we do natural cycle IUI. thank goodness...so I go in CD10 to see whats going on in there.

But I still feel like poo...hopefully by CD10 I feel better.

Here we go Again

CD 1...nuff said

Wordless....

why does this hurt (emotionally) as much as my miscarriage in February. I know I was pregnant last week, I felt pregnant, I had the + pee stick (which may now just be a rare false positive with a beta of Zero)

I thought it would be harder to actually BE pregnant after that loss, but I was really excited and looking forward to showing that it can work, only for it to fail, again.

I just want to cry but there are no tears.

Still Waiting on the Beta

I am getting really impatient, I have called, left messages, talked to people, just waiting on a call back (still) with my beta results. I really want to know whats going on!

Update.....

Beta is negative....oh well

BF?

So I had a faint BFP....yes woohoo...so exciting....not...since the past 2 days have been BFN's

I am not really sure whats going on. I have a Beta on Monday.