My Life In Stirrups

Given an Amazing Gift

2011-10-13T22:13:00.004-04:00

We have been given the greatest gift. We have been lucky to conceive naturally immediately after a failed IVF. We are completely shocked and amazed, and the reality hasn't even hit me. I have known for almost a week now.

Of course when I got a BFP at 10dpo I took another in the am of 11dpo to make sure it was still there, and called the RE. my beta on 11dpo was 27. It was redrawn at 13dpo (47 hours after the first) and it was 118! that's a doubling time of 22 hours. this is either one very strong bean, or could you imagine naturally conceived twins after all the IF cycles we have been through! Only time will tell. Right now I just still need to be pinched that there are actually 2 lines on my tests and beta numbers that mean something! For reference, in my 4 other pregnancies (2 chemical one lasted 9 weeks and one resulted in my DD, my betas never ever doubled, never mind more than quadrupling!)

So much for that FET we were planning before the end of the year! So pleasantly surprised!

IVF . . . .FAIL

2011-09-09T14:48:00.001-04:00

our 2nd IVF failed. I didn't expect it to. It worked with no issues the last time. I am having trouble wrapping my brain around it. But hopefully I will wrap it around fast enough to do a FET before the year is over. I would really like to end 2011 being some amount of pregnant.

Were Doing IVF Again!

2011-07-26T23:14:00.002-04:00

We originally planned on waiting until the fall to do a fresh IVF again, but I was feeling so defeated every cycle that AF came. So we decided now is a better time to try it.

I went in for CD2 monitoring today, start Birth Control Pills tonight, and Lupron starts on Monday, August 1st. I am hoping this time we get to do blasts, rather than Day 3 transfers.

I will keep updating as things progress. We're still waiting on Karyotype results too, which will hopefully be back before we get to retrieval.

Sorry to leave This in Suspense

2011-05-12T13:05:00.000-04:00

I wish I had better news to report.

The FET was only mildly successful.

On April 29th (10dp3dt) I got a positive test, faint, but there, by the next day the lines were gone again. I tested from about 5dp3dt. on my 7 and 8dpt tests faint pink lines had dried, 8dpt evening and 9dpt tests were still negative, and then the + I got on 10dpt. I think both embryos tried to implant, one a few days before the other, and neither made it.

I refused the beta, felt there was no sense since I had had negative tests for 3 days before it. I started spotting 3 days after stopping the PIO, and mas miscarrying by 5days after the PIO.

It doesn't get any easier the 3rd time around, or after already having a child. I actually have felt like I have failed the munchkin now, by not being able to give her a sibling.

What this has done though is caused me to look back at my charts, and at my history, and research. And I think this is beyond the clotting issue (MTHFR). I was actually on blood thinners for my second miscarriage too...so it couldn't have been caused my blood clots either.

I see the RE on June 7th, I plan on asking for karyotyping, to make sure we aren't potentially creating mostly genetically abnormal embryos. I am also going to ask for immune testing. I have Crohn's..and so there could be things related to that causing issues (not the Crohn's itself but other complications I have had with it). Prednisone or IVIG treatments are the way I am hoping to go. And also even considering genetic analysis of the embryos in an IVF just to make sure the embryos we transfer are completely normal, increasing our odds.

This is a tough road we all travel. I thought I had all my answers. I made it out with one beautiful healthy girl. Turns out those answers aren't the solution for try #2, but I hope to gain knowledge about my health, and the things I need to do to get more babies in my arms.

Successful Transfer!

2011-04-20T18:25:00.002-04:00

Transfer early Tuesday morning was a success.

woke up bright and early, packed Munchy in the car, and off we went. We dropped her off at a friends, it was her first time away from mommy and daddy, and she did great. We basically dropped her and ran because we were running late.

Why do they always tell you to drink way more water than you need to. they told me to drink 1l...I drank about 400-500ml, and was super full. Transfer went at about 8am EST. They thawed 2 of the 3 embryos and one did not survive thaw, so they thawed the 3rd. We luckily had that one survive for 2 to transfer.

I feel strange about this. I am disappointed, because that means if this doesn't work we need to either try IUI's again or do another IVF cycle. I am not in the position physically, financially, and emotionally to go through a full IVF cycle. So that wouldn't happen until at least summer. we could spend the money on IUI's...maybe try that twice just to see if we can save ourselves the IVF, but I worry about wasting money on doing that.

What I mostly hope for is that this works. I was nervous for twins at first, but now knowing there isn't an embryo left, I am ok with that idea. Obviously, we will take what we can get. I'm not sure two will make me feel complete though, we will just have to wait and see.

Speaking of the wait, why do the days drag by!?! The embryos were day 3.5ish, almost 4, and that was early yesterday morning, so I am at least 5dpo now, but it goes by so slowly. I think I will try testing in a few days, at 8dpo.

I will update if there are any symptoms of note to report, basically I just feel tired and crampy post transfer.

Funny Estrace Story, and Obsessing over stats!

2011-04-17T22:26:00.005-04:00

We will start with funny estrace story.

So we went into the clinic on CD2 to get started with the FET. I had the baseline ultrasound, saw the doc, and had bloodwork. My head was just kind of spinning with all the new information and how fast things were going to go. I saw the nurse who gave me my estrace and instructions on how to take them.

I heard 2 tabs.

The next morning I took my 2 tabs. I talked to DH about it when he got home from work, how excited I was about it and that I ONLY had to take these 2 little tabs a day. He said 2? I thought you were only supposed to take 1. So because he questioned it, his job to call the nurses.

We found out we were BOTH wrong. 2 tabs, 3 times a day. How we ever stayed straight during the IVF is a miracle. Granted we didn't have an 11 month old to chase around then either. But luckily it was caught early on, and by no intention really. And my lining was fine even though day one I only had 1/3 of the dose I should have.

Moving on to the stats.

I have completely convinced myself that our chances at pregnancy with the FET are actually GREATER than with our fresh IVF that got us our gorgeous daughter. How have I managed this...2 ways actually.

First there are the 2 schools of thought. One is that frozen embryos are weaker and more fragile, and less susceptible to produce a viable pregnancy, just due to the freezing and thawing process (if they make it through thaw). The second is that a frozen embryo that is strong enough to survive freezing and thawing, is quite likely to produce a pregnancy. I subscribe to the more optimistic second school of thought.

My clinic has stats posted on their website from 2007. I would love more recent, but that will do, I can't find more recent stats anywhere.

They have the fresh IVF pregnancy rates divided by age group, and are as follows : 51% <35, 39% 35-39, and 20% >=40. The FET stats though are just clumped together to make 33% success rate. If you were to add up the fresh IVF's and divide by 3, to produce a lumped together stat, you get 36.6%. For what its worth, I am 26(almost 27) and my embryos are 25(retrieved just a few weeks after my birthday).

So you compare fresh stat of 36.6% to the FET at 33% (these are all own egg stats too, the have the DE stats separate) With what I am sure is a margin of error of a % or 2...that is pretty darn similar.

Also, our clinic does assisted hatching of all frozen embryos, as their zona can harden and make it difficult for the embryo to hatch. We did not do assisted hatching with our IVF. So this I feel adds to our chances too, because maybe that second embryo in our fresh IVF didn't implant because it never hatched (you never know).

We transferred 2 day 3 embryos after our IVF in September 2009. Got pregnant, with one baby. if our chances are the same, or better potentially, I may be going from empty and broken hearted starting the year in 2009, to having 3 kids under 2 in 2012. CRAZY.

New Design

2011-04-17T13:28:00.004-04:00

Hope you all like my fresh new design. I was sick of the old, wanted something cheerier.

I don't *think* anyone who knows me in real life, knows about the blog. If you do by all means let me know you have discovered my secret FET cycle. But I shared a picture of my beautiful Daughter in my header. She came from one of those 2 embryos, and that was her BFP.

We want to keep this cycle to ourselves a bit. Ready to share In real life when we want to. Our IVF and IUI's were so broadcast, which was fine, it was helpful that people knew what was going on. I just feel like I want that secret to myself for a bit. But of course, I can't not talk about it, I can't not write my thoughts down, so that what I am doing here. Mostly for myself, but to hopefully be helpful to others going through things too.

In FET news, I started the PIO last night. Man did I forget the loveliness of that. I will still take it over the suppositories, but it hurts today, and I forgot the lovely oily smell when I pee. Mmmmm, NOT. I can't wait for the call tomorrow to tell me when transfer time is! So looking forward to this!

Transfer Time!

2011-04-16T17:55:00.002-04:00

So I went for my one midcycle appointment today. Lining is 13mm, triple striped, and 'perfect'. I started medrol and doxycycline today, start PIO tonight. And we transfer on Tuesday! They call Monday with the time.

How did this happen so fast, just a week and a half ago I went to the RE after almost 2 years to talk to him about using our totsicles, I never thought I would be entering into a transfer this quickly!

From the looks of my scan too I bet this would have made a great IVF cycle...my ovaries looked pretty full of follicles, Id guess at least 7 on each side.

There are Embies in the Air!

2011-04-08T15:47:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone...if there is anyone!

I am so sorry I haven't been blogging. Life has been hectic to say the least!

My Baby bean is going to be 11 months old next week. The Big First Birthday is being planned. My return to work is imminent, which has be a bit stressed out. And we've decided to do a FET before I go back...which is the reason for my post.

I think having success after infertility put me in a weird blog limbo. I didn't want to blog about baby bean for I didn't want to hurt anyone out there. It was a long painful road to get her though, so I should be proud to talk about her. She is amazing, shes a jabbering, busy, destructive human being. And I love her to death.

I feel as I can identify with this world again though.

In December, when Bean was 8 months old, and my lovely friend AF had been around a couple months despite on demand breastfeeding, Hubs and I decided that we would start trying again for baby #2. We figured it was no rush since she was only 8 months, but we would try for a little bit. We tried 4-5 cycles. The first just untimes, not preventing sort of thing, but the last 4 I had been charting, OPKing, CBFMing, and everything was timed perfectly. For some stupid reason I thought we would be one of 'those' infertility patients who had no trouble conceiving on their own after extensive treatments for baby#1. I am here today to say WE ARE NOT THOSE PEOPLE. They are still mythical to me. Everything was perfect, we don't have a recent SA to say if the swimmers are ok, but they have always been fine, so I have no reason to expect anything would be wrong there. The cycles were perfect, the timing was perfect, there is no reason we shouldn't have conceived in any one of those 5 months.

Anyways...we didn't. So I called the RE. We have 3 frozen babies from our IVF we did to have baby bean. They told me to come in CD2 and we would start the road to FET.

The FET is going to be SO EASY. I am amazed with how chill it is. I started estrace 2 2mg tabs, 3x a day (funny story there I'll share later) on CD3 (this past Wednesday) and I go in on April 16th for a Lining Check (thats 11 days of some tiny pills before I even have to step foot in the clinic again...that is AWESOME) And he said to expect a transfer around the 20th or so.

We are deciding to transfer 2 embies, we transferred 2 in the fresh cycle and got a singleton, and I went at early term with her.

And I am already obsessing over stats...which is a whole other post.

But I am back oh world of infertility....

Updates

2010-07-22T23:17:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone, if anyone is even still here that is!

I decided not to go private...there were just some crazy things going on then that made me nervous, but I figured things out and all is well!

No I am not 47 weeks pregnant! That would be excruciating! I actually have a beautiful baby girl who is nearly 10 weeks old! We had her on May 15th...and she is amazing! I know everyone says is but I never imagined a love like this ever! Its amazing, the delivery was amazing, and yet I barely remember any of it.

Im going to try to get to blogging again. I expect to be down the road to try for another baby soon again too. With my health we want to try to have our family complete before I get too sick again (Crohn's disease flares suck) So we hope we might get a surprise and be a statistic...or we will do a FET In the spring of next year before I go back to work.

If you are still here and reading leave me a comment and let me know!

Needing to go Private

2010-04-16T16:29:00.002-04:00

I have to go private. I didn't ever want to do this, but it has become necessary.

If you want to follow me, send me an email, the gmail address is to the side. I will try to add everyone as fast as I can, going to go private within a week, between now and then there will be no posts.

Getting Close!

2010-04-14T08:39:00.002-04:00

There are only 6 weeks left until my Due date! Unbelievable!

I had an ultrasound last week to follow up on the previa found on my 20 week ultrasound. Placenta is still previa, marginal, 1.3cm away from the cervix. They also found that baby is on the smaller side of normal, which is still ok, still healthy. And they think they found a pelvic cyst on the baby.

I have another ultrasound next week to follow up on these things, make sure baby is growing and that placenta moves out of the way. If this placenta doesn't move in the next 3-4 weeks, a c section will be the only way :(

Worst Blogger of the Year Award

2010-03-11T07:21:00.002-05:00

Yep...it goes to me.

I am soo sooo sorry for no blogging..smack me if you must!

I'll post a quick update with the pregnancy, and other than that I really have nothing to talk about...I am boring mostly, what can I say?

So, I am officially into my 3rd trimester, which absolutely thrills me. being a nurse in L&D, I see a lot of preemie deliveries, and so that's always at the back of my mind. I just really want to get through the next 6 weeks and then if this little one decides to come, that's ok. I passed my GTT...my sugar was stellar actually! But I am so failing in the Blood Pressure department.

On Monday I started feeling really awful at work, so I asked a co-worker to check my BP...it was high, really not good. I rested for 15 min, and she checked again, still high. Luckily, I work where I am delivering...so I just walked down the hall to our triage, to have Sprout monitored and to get blood work drawn. All was fine, and with about an hours rest my BP came back to normal. This is the complicated part...my blood pressure is not consistently high...it goes high, then I take a breather and it comes back to normal, very difficult to treat BP that is labile like this. I have been taken off Night shifts, so I am down to only day shifts now, and if the BP continues to be a problem, then I might be off for good. I just really want to get another 4 weeks of working (at least), not even for the income as much as if I am at home, doing nothing, I will LOSE MY MIND. Working is my sanity.

We still don't know if the placenta has moved either. I have an ultrasound to check this at 32 weeks, on April 7th. I have had no bleeding, so this is good news! I am still suspicious though that its still low down, we had a 3D ultrasound for fun, and the baby was very low in my pelvis and cuddling up against the placenta...so it looked to me to be pretty low, though the u/s was just for fun and not diagnostic at all.

I think that's all I need write, I think I have trouble writing about all of this because I know the struggle of infertility, and don't want others to come and be so heartbroken reading about it. I am still an infertile under this glowing pregnant shell though. Its been very hard for me to transition from being the infertile, who has lost babies, to the pregnant, and generally things are going great person. The pregnancy has been really really easy. I was nauseous the first 20 weeks, and have the previa, and have the BP issues...but really it has been so much easier than I expected.

Viable!

2010-02-08T15:09:00.002-05:00

24 Weeks today! if baby comes (which it had better not) there is a good chance that it will survive!

Today was also the day I miscarried our first baby after our first IUI. It was a hard weekend February 6th was the day we found out baby was gone. It was much easier to go through having this little one kicking and wiggling in my belly...but was still hard to think of what we lost that year ago. We are grateful to our first 2 babies though, for giving us the answers to make a safe place for their brother/sister to grow.

In other pregnancy related news...baby is still breech, kicks are all down low! I have an OB appointment this week to make sure all is well still. Still have previa until further notice (assuming its still previa) I have an u/s at 32 weeks to check on it and see if its moved. I have had no bleeding from it though...and hope it stays that way. My blood pressure has been fine, and I have had no symptoms of pre-eclampsia.

I have been really super tired lately...I am guessing baby is on quite the growth spurt because of this. Today I have been sick, I am hoping its just a pregnancy thing, and not a tummy bug, but I stayed home from work just in case it is a bug.

I scheduled my 3D ultrasound, thought it would be a fun thing to do. And I contacted a photographer to do Maternity and baby portraits, looking forward to that!

This is all I have for now...but will try to update as more things happen...now that I am getting toward the Third Trimester I am hoping there will be more to talk about.

Placenta Previa

2010-01-07T17:31:00.002-05:00

I am proof that things don't get less complicated once you achieve pregnancy after infertility!

I have Partial Previa of the placenta. the placenta is covering part of the cervix. As of right now, I only had some slight spotting over a week ago now, so my OB is not concerned about that. However if I bleed I am going to have to be off work and on bedrest, possibly in the hospital depending on how significant it is.

I just hope I don't bleed.

I will have another ultrasound at 32 weeks to see if the placenta has moved away, if it has all is well, if not, schedule the c-section for 37 weeks-ish I suppose.

Anatomy Scan

2010-01-06T15:30:00.002-05:00

This morning was sprouts anatomy scan, 19w2d. Sprout was not co-operative at all, and they couldn't get all the shots they needed, after several tries, drinking juice, walking and emptying my bladder, still nothing. Long story short, we need to go back, on Monday...and we got NO pictures because of the position Sprout was in...face down back up...crappy.

Wow I Suck!

2010-01-04T10:43:00.002-05:00

So it looks like I haven't updated you all in about 2 months! I am sorry.

Really, there's absolutely nothing to tell, this has been a firly uneventful pregnancy, which I wasn;t expecting to happen. I haven't had an ultrasound since my 12 week on that you have seen. My Anatomy scan is this Wednesday morning, and I am very much looking forward to seeing this baby again.

I have been seeing an OB medicine doctor in addition to my regular OB because of my pre-existing issues, and because my blood pressure was increased a bit. The good news is the my pressure is fine now, so it was probably just an early pregnancy anxiety thing. I remain on Fragmin, and will for the duration of the pregnancy, because of my increased risk factors for clotting on top of the MTHFR. My family has a huge history of clots(heart attacks) so they want to keep me on the thinner.

I am 19 weeks today! Sprout...we have lovingly named this baby-to-be, is moving all of the time, and I even bought a doppler to listen to the goings on in my 'ute'. Its been an amazing experience, and I feel so happy that I get to experience it. We are NOT finding out the gender until delivery day...so Sprout will be Sprout until it is born. We have a short list of names for each gender we will bring with us to the hospital. 5 names of each gender...and will pick a name from that list when we see what s/he looks like.

We only hope for healthy...whether Sprout has a penis or vagina really makes no difference. If we were theme-ing the nursery then it would be helpful to find out, but we are keeping everything neutral because we want to(hope to) have more babies in the future. The only name that is a definite will be if its a boy, we have decided to use my Dad's first name as the middle name (My dad passed away in 2004, and had a great first name!) I am pretty near certain that Sprout is a girl though...but I am usually wrong, so we will have to see.

Again...so sorry it has taken me so long to update...hopefully I can update more frequently now that I will be into the second half of the pregnancy, with belly pictures, appointments and ultrasounds. Not that any of that is really interesting, but just seems to be the thing to do!

Our Christmas was great, we spent it in our hometown with T's family. A nice long vacation. I was really glad to see the end of 2009, even though it brought me to where I am today, it was not an easy year. I had 3 pregnancies in 2009, and hopefully this one will go until May 2010! We lost T's grandma this year too, spent all of our available cash and more to one day have a baby...its been tough...but it has prepared me more for 2010 and all the future years to come.

There is a Miracle Going On!

2009-11-16T19:36:00.005-05:00

Had the NT scan today. The baby is so amazing. The development is crazy! I don't find out results until Wednesday, but I am not concerned with them really anyway. Wednesday we get to hear the heartbeat for the first time....I will probably cry.

Busy Week Ahead.

2009-11-15T19:43:00.002-05:00

Not sure when I am going to breathe.

I work 5 out of the next 7 days....that's sure going to tire me out....and the only day this week I am really home is Thursday!

Tomorrow I have my NT scan. its the only screening we are really doing for this pregnancy. We opted to have a level 2 ultrasound at 19 weeks rather than bother with screening which yields a high false positive rate.

Wednesday I have my 12 week OB appointment...I never in my life thought I would ever make it to a second OB appointment! We will get to hear the baby's heartbeat...which I have not ever got to hear yet! I am so looking forward to this day! I think it will make me feel 100% relieved!

Friday I have my first OB Med appointment. I have to see this obstetrical medicine dr because of my history with my health problems. Basically none of them pose a direct risk to the pregnancy at their current state. However any treatments for them are contraindicated in pregnancy, so it make it a bit of a tough situation. So we need to put a plan in place for what will happen IF I have any problems. I am hoping to not have to use this plan though :)

My issues are, just if I never mentioned this before....

Crohn's disease....which I have had 2 extensive surgeries for.

Elevated triglycerides from an inherited condition (Chylomicronemia)....fun...not

I also have hypothyroidism, MTHFR, oh and probably other stuff I'm not remembering about right now. It's the first 2 that are the problem though. Expecting mothers who have had a flar of Crohn's from my research, have actually needed hospitalization and TPN...but I guess thats probably a worst case thing. And with the elevated triglycerides, similar story. Since the medication used to lower triglycerides is contra-indicated in pregnancy, there's no other way to treat extremely high levels, I am trying to control it with diet, but with the nausea and lack of appetite I have had, if I feel like any food, I eat it right now.

So that's my life this week....12 weeks tomorrow...totally unbelievable to me. It really feels like this is flying by(and I hear this is the slow part of the pregnancy) I can't imagine how fast its going to go by in the new year!

Love...Life...Hapiness

2009-11-09T12:53:00.002-05:00

My Baby is still in there, its absolutely amazing, I think he/she will be a dancer! It was moving around like crazy! I hope everyone gets to experience this one day it is truly a miracle. Baby was measuring a day ahead 11w1d. Heartbeat was 158. We couldn't get a profile view, only head on, and of course a bum shot with long legs too...gets that from its daddy probably! U/S tech thought it could be a boy, but were choosing not to find out gender.

I haven't been feeling well. I have been very nauseous and have no appetite, I have lost 15lbs since before the IVF. My RE said he will note that in the referral to my OB, along with the kajillion other issues I have in my regular life. I have my NT scan next week, but we are opting not to do any other screening. I honestly don;t even really care about the NT measurement, it doesn't really mean anything other than further testing which we won;t be doing. Basically I am just excited to have more peeks at baby to be reassured that s/he is doing well. We will have a level 2 u/s at 19 weeks though, to make sure everything is structurally normal, because that is my main concern, that theres no potentially fatal, or life threatening defects.

Thats about all thats going on over here, only 4 more days of PIO shots, woohoo!

How the Hell....

2009-11-02T08:31:00.004-05:00

I am 10 weeks today....how the hell did that happen? It seems to be flying by already, I feel like I just found out yesterday still.

I had another u/s yesterday, everything is still going just fine, baby is doing just fine, and this might actually mean I am safe, I have a 99% chance of having a baby next year....a real live baby.

So enter freak out mode...um...I don't know what to do with a baby...I have never had a baby. I mean ya, I deliver babies, but I deal with brand new babies, not like growing, screaming babies. Does all first time moms have this freak out? I really hope so...tell me I'm not alone :S

I have been terrible at keeping up to date on here, I started this place just as a keeper of information I can look back on to have. Well once I got past my miscarriage date I started a written journal. and honestly there's a whole lot of nothing going on...absolutely nothing. I have symptoms, but no different than they have been, and there will be no belly pics for a while...because, I am starting from a pre-flubbed state.

I am thrilled to report that I have had not one single drop of bleeding...that's the biggest thing I worried about, and there has been none *knock on wood*. With that I am relieved.

I had quite the experience in the fertility clinic yesterday. I really don't understand some people. I get that it was a Sunday, so there would probably be a few kids, I am not kidding you when I say that there were a good 10 kids or more in there. I see a few things wrong with this. we can assume that seeing kids in general (especially kids under say 2 years old) its hard on the heart for infertiles, so why people bring their kids is beyond me. It still hurts my heart, and I am 10 weeks pregnant. It is hard for me to look at these kids. Another reason, kids are so freaking germy, and half of these kids probably also go to daycare during the week, and with all the H1N1 going around, keep your kids at home, when you are around a population potentially at high risk for this virus. I will pay kudos to the clinic for getting rid of all of their toys during this outbreak of H1N1. But about half of the parents were very vocal about how pissed they were that there were no toys...bring your own, then your child can keep his/her germs to themselves. T and I moved to a different area of the waiting room to avoid the germs, and to be able to hear ourselves think.

Oh and on the topic of H1N1. I can;t get the vaccine, I have had both a vaccine reaction to the seasonal flu vaccine, and I'm immunocomprimised, so we have a problem. I am literally staying in my home all the time, other than to go to work. And T got vaccinated last week (after waiting in line 7 hours at a vaccine clinic) so we should be ok here, as long as we do what we can to prevent it.

last but not least....yesterdays pic.

8w5d Ultrasound and update

2009-10-24T12:17:00.003-04:00

Today was a good day...and let me start by being sorry that I am only updating on things once a week...but thinks are really uneventful, and for that I am so grateful.

On Monday and Tuesday I had a lot of pregnancy symptoms, tired nearly constantly and throwing up even with the z.ofran on board. But the rest of the week has been great, only slight queasiness and not feeling really up to eating.

I feel bad that I am only coming on posting U/S pics. In reality I live each day in fear that I am going to lose this baby like the other 2. I don't know when that's going to go away, I thought it would after today, but its still there. Its really sucks that I can't just enjoy being pregnant today, but thats what happens when its been ripped away from you before.

Anyways....today's u/s was a big day for me. This week was the week I lost the first pregnancy, at 8w3d. Today is 8w5d. And I am so glad to say that everything looked GREAT! Baby was moving all around, we could see the brain and spine, and a beautiful Heartbeat of 162. And the baby also now measures right on time, at 8w5d. This is the most amazing picture I have ever seen, and will probably stare at it until next Sunday when I have my next u/s.

I hope you all get to experience this very soon, if you aren't already, its absolutely amazing! To come from infertility, failed treatments, and losses, to this...is truly a miracle!

Amazed, and Thankful!

2009-10-17T12:35:00.003-04:00

I was so scared going into today's U/S...I was convinced that it would be bad news...or maybe preparing myself for the worst.

I got in there...had the tech who doesn't talk again! Show the dead baby momma her baby right away PUHLEASE! no, she waits until shes done all of her measurements before she shows me the screen...so not right!

There's still one bean in there, going strong. Measuring 7w3d, which us great since a week ago it was measuring 6w3d. HB was 149. I am very happy. I am so grateful for this. They scan recurrent pregnancy loss patients weekly until 12 weeks. So I go in again on Saturday for another scan. I hope its great, and that next week, it actually looks baby-like rather than like fluff.

Oh....pictures....right

Baby's first U/S

2009-10-10T19:35:00.003-04:00

We have a baby! One little bean, measuring 6w3d. A couple days behind, but thats ok. Also had a heartbeat of 132 bpm. Happy, but still nervous and cautious.

Morning Sickness at its Best

2009-10-09T15:32:00.002-04:00

(6w4d)

Today I have had morning sickness at its best. I feel awful, and does it seriously even count as morning sickness when you don;t actually throw up? I WISH I was puking, because I know I would feel better if I did. its just sitting there, at the top of my stomach, taunting me, makeing me feel like crud all day.

I decided this morning it was so bad I would start taking my di.clectin. After an 8 hour sleep last night, after taking the di.clectin i slept an additional 8 hours today....so that just won't cut it. And I didn't even feel any better when I woke up. I have a call in to the clinic hoping for a script for z.ofran.

On a more upbeat note....my u/s is tomorrow! YAY! 18 hours to go...at 8am(ish) tomorrow we find out whats going on in there!

Oh and is it insane of me to want to still pee on HPT's? I know I am pregnant...i just love seeing how dark that line is ;)

5428

2009-10-03T13:37:00.001-04:00

I am thrilled, this is the best beta I have EVER had!

U/S October 10th!

3075...this is happening.

2009-10-02T09:30:00.003-04:00

Still pregnant, and so blessed.

I am so thrilled to have the miracle of IVF working for us so far. I have been in denial that I am pregnant, other then being tired and occasionally just a bit queasy, I don't feel pregnant at all. And I think I am protecting myself from being excited in case this ends the way the other 2 did.

Today I feel more excited, and like this one might actually work. My first pregnancy my betas never got above 2400 so they did an early u/s rather than keep doing betas. So having betas over that are amazing to me, and I feel like this means its meant to be.

I told my employer and co-workers, and the entire world now. I feel better that people know. Everyone is thrilled, and thankfully my co-workers understand why I am not feeling excited, but very scared.

My clinic apparently goes by Transfer date as conception date, rather than retrieval date. So I am not considered as far along as I am. I think that retrieval date makes more sense and is more accurate. So I guess my due date is somewhere between May31st and June 3rd. Does anyone know why they do this, or does your clinic do this too?

So far I have had no bleeding, which, the first time I bled from 3.5 weeks until the day I lost the baby...so that makes me feel good.

I am also not knowing what to talk about, being a pregnant infertile, on an infertility blog. I don;t want to hurt those that are still waiting for their Miracle, but its important for me to keep my thoughts here too...so that I have some documentation on it. So I understand if people aren't reading anymore, or if it is hard for them to read/comment. I have had a bit of trouble at time with pregnancy blogs....I mean I am happy for them, but it was hard. I hope I am not going to be insensitive, and If I am, please, leave a comment or shoot me an email and tell me!

Will try to post more often, about more than just being pregnant, I promise.

1696

2009-09-29T16:18:00.001-04:00

or...almost double. Thank goodness!

877

2009-09-27T15:27:00.001-04:00

ie: Not double....FML

Beta

2009-09-26T14:17:00.000-04:00

is 497! 15dp3dt!

so 1 or 2?

Repeat beta tomorrow!

Post 100 - A Beta Post

2009-09-25T18:21:00.004-04:00

So they called with my beta today....but I was sleeping after a horrendous night shift at work. And they didn't leave the Number! Seriously? Does anyone else's clinics not tell you lab values, I have such a hard time with this. The other thing was I left my home phone number as the contact number for the result....and they called my cell...so I sat waiting for the call for hours when it had already came!

I called their office and left a message, because I want details....I already KNOW I am pregnant...I want numbers! Next beta is Sunday....so even if I don't get the number tomorrow, I will ask on Sunday....geesh...I already had to wait so long to get this beta...and then they continue to leave me in suspense, I am exhausted!

Post #99

2009-09-23T09:08:00.005-04:00

I am one post away from 100....wow!

I am still pregnant....and just anxious to hear HOW pregnant I am at the beta on Friday. I am more excited for this beta than any other beta I have ever had. Because my 11dp3dt test looks awesome. I compared it to the pic of my 14dpo test with out first pregnancy and they don't compare at all!

BFP from our First Pregnancy

BFP from this Pregnancy.

I the little pics they look the same now, but really this one is much darker....hmph.

I am 4weeks2days today. By beta day I will be 4 weeks 4days. I am really hoping for a good strong beta, and hoping to NOT go through the beta hell I did last time (only increasing by 4 in 4 days...it was awful!) I am just anxious to get the beta now, really really anxious, it can't come soon enough. Such relief going in knowing what they are going to say though.

As far as pregnancy symptoms so far, I have a couple. Its always hard to tell whats from progesterone and whats from pregnancy. My boob don't hurt nearly as bad as the first time, or as bad as they normally even do on progesterone. Strange, but I am ok with it. I have had a few episodes of queasiness. I now travel with something to puke into, some cereal to calm my stomach, water and gum(its a one hour drive into work every day). I am tired all.the.time! No noticeable signs yet otherwise.

I have told my internet friends and a few long distance friends who have been really great to me through all of this, and we told T's parents. I told my best friend the day we had the BFP. And I told One girl at work, who I know will keep it in until I am ready to tell. Usually I would shout this from the rooftops right away, but I just feel like I should at least wait for the betas to double before I go saying anything. T was surprised I didn't want to tell anyone at work yet. He is very excited about this, and has probably told everyone.

I think that's all that is new around here..I will update again after the beta on Friday.

I see LINES...and the Wait for the Beta

2009-09-20T12:47:00.003-04:00

still 4 full days until my beta...it will be on the equivalent of 18dpo...not sure why they wait so long after IVF...but I will go with it. When I did IUI's the beta was always at 13dpo(which is today for me, I am 10dp3dt)

If I had negative tests like I have for the last 5 IUI cycles...I would be pissed and just want it over with. But I SEE LINES!

So I know I announced this first 3 days ago at 7dp3dt....and the line was barely visible. But today's line, you can actually see, and after tomorrow I will start tickers and such because I will be 4 weeks preggo!

Last night (9dp3dt) I even took one of those dollar store tests that never work until your period is way late...and I got a really decent line, so I will provide that picture too. The digital still melts my heart though.

What I really can not wait for is the ultrasound now. I really want to know how many are in there. We transferred 2 beautiful embryos, so I wouldn't be surprised if they are both there. At this point, I am ok with that, but being an L&D nurse, and seeing all the crappy things that can happen, it does make me nervous, very nervous....but given I have had 2 losses and 2 years of infertility and spent a lot on treatments, I would likely have been a nervous pregnant person anyways.

OK...now for the lines.....

Aren't they beautiful???

Show and Tell: from embabies to HPT's

2009-09-17T22:14:00.006-04:00

Last week my show and tell were my beautiful embabies. Those beautiful embabies have some skills I tell ya!

Those embabies(either or both) have decided to snuggle in nice and comfy....because my show and tell this week is my BFP.

This is how my day started:
Super faint line there if you can see it...you might need to click on the image to make it bigger.

I got excited...I am pregnant...sure its a R>E>A>L>L>Y faint line....but a lines a line. I wanted to tell the world, already. But I didn't.

Then T got home....I told him, happiness, excitement, but its still early, we have been here before, and had heartbreak. But that didn't stop us being so excited for these little ones. We decide we need to tell his parents (they live far away, so its a phone call unfortunately). I decide that before we call his parents to tell them, I at least want to test with a digital in a few days...proof that indeed I am "pregnant". At least pregnant enough for a digital test to decide so.

The problem here is I am impatient, most of the time. and although I never would ever take a digital before 13dpo(when I would be late) I bit the bullet...and peed on the digital!

Lets just recap....

I am 7dp3dt (10dpo)
I am also 12 dptrigger
I have a POAS addiction....I need POAS anonymous.
I am impatient.

Apparently I am 'Enceinte'...since I live in Canada.

I AM PREGNANT!!!

Now go over and see what everyone else is showing!

Well Add Me to the List...

2009-09-17T12:49:00.004-04:00

...of pregnant bloggers.

It may be too early to actually say that, but the faint line on my HPT is definitely there.

(Click on the pic to make it larger)

OK, maybe you can't see it....but I can...so it counts.

Funny thing is, beta isn't for 8 more days...does anyone wanna take guesses as to how big its going to be by then(I hope)?

I am thrilled...shocked. I had a feeling this would work, but always assume the worst to protect my heart. I am PREGNANT.

Today is THE Day

2009-09-16T07:57:00.002-04:00

My due date of my first pregnancy. I am sad, my heart hurts. But I still feel the same as my post below. That baby gave us the most amazing gift of knowledge, to provide a safe place for its brothers and sisters.

Today I got a barely there line on my HPT, I am 6dp3dt. I will not believe it yet. I don;t know if its real, or my mind placing it there because I want it so badly on today of all days.

I miss my baby, and I am desperate for these 2. PLEASE universe...let this be IT.

The Baby That Wasn't

2009-09-11T10:37:00.006-04:00

I am hiding behind this IVF. I am letting the happiness of having beautiful embryos ride over the sadness I feel in the bottom of my heart.

Its very hard to be happy and sad at the same time. All infertiles experience it from one degree to another.

For some its the idea of where they would be had they got pregnant right away. Would you have an infant, a kindergartner, a schoolage child even. I would have a one year old. For others its the due date or loss date of a first pregnancy that never pans out....that is where I am My Due date is coming up, and it happens to coincide with this IVF. I haven;t yet figured out in my heart if that is good or bad....I think it just IS. Even more, for others its the date their baby was born extremely prematurely, or even stillborn, it is devastating.

These things happen, most of the general public don't realize it, they go about their 9 months naive to all of the possibilities. I hope with our blogs we can open up the eyes of the general public...so they can see this happens, and we can get further empathy.

My Due Date is(was to be) on Wednesday. I could potentially get a positive pregnancy test on Wednesday. I do not know how I will react. I miss that baby, that baby...had it stayed put, may have been in my arms, right now. But that was not meant to be. I can go through all of the what ifs, and what does it do....it doesn't change anything.

The past is what has made me. If I had not lost that baby, we would not know I had MTHFR, we would not be treating it with blood thinners and high dose folic acid, and it could put these little embryos at risk. If I had still been pregnant....we would not be where we are today.

Of course I wish I would have just been pregnant and gone about my life, naive like the others(to a degree), but past events have shaped my life, and though its been hard, it has made me stronger, more aware of choices I may make in the future.

So coming up to this loss....I thank you baby, out there somewhere, looking over me, for making a safe place for your brothers and sisters to grow, for if it weren't for you, they would not be possible.

Show and Tell: My Em-Babies :)

2009-09-10T19:19:00.004-04:00

Transfer today went AMAZING!

we transferred 2 beautiful embryos today. No grading, but I could tell their beauty. I will post a picture below.

We had 3 of equal beauty to freeze, and 2 others that might be frozen at blastocyst stage if they catch up (they have been a bit behind). This is FABULOUS NEWS. I wish we had more obviously, but we have frozen embryos and I am so grateful for that!

Now we just wait. and Hope these babies want to stick around.

Go see what everyone else is showing Here!

Transfer!

2009-09-09T11:27:00.003-04:00

tomorrow at 1130am EST. I am SO EXCITED. I could just jump up and down....but that would hurt...so I won't.

Having lost 2 IUI babies...I could use all the baby cememt anyone has left over to make these 2 stick.

I also have this insane fear that tomorrow when we get to the clinic they are going to tell me all my babies turned to dust....that is irrational right?

Fertilization Report

2009-09-08T11:37:00.002-04:00

well not the news I was hoping for!

We had 20 eggs retrieved and 12 of them fertilized. Only 7 of those that were fertilized are dividing appropriately. So in 24 hours we have lost more than half of our potential babies already. I am hoping these 7 are strong and stick around for a while.

Does anyone have experience with this...I just don't know whats NORMAL to expect, being our first IVF.

Oh...and sorry for being a bad blog reader/commenter...I just have not been into it and have NO excuse. I will try to make it better this week while resting.

Retrieval

2009-09-07T21:01:00.002-04:00

Everything went well. Really really well.

We got there early...I wanted to, because I am a hard poke for an IV...but that was a waste because they waited until 11amish to start the IV. I waited and had a massage in the massage chairs(they have no stretchers, all reclining massage chairs with heat). I was really nervous last night, but felt better this am, until we got to the IVF suites.

I got changed into my lovely blue attire and I had on one of my fancy scrub hats from work (all of the nurses at the clinic want these now...so I will have to figure out how to make them). She got my IV in after some fist pumping and slapping of the vein (but it was only a 22gauge, so it was teeny tiny). My Dr was actually on time, and I was the first retrieval of the day so we went back only shortly after 1130. We went back to a bigger room afterward where both T and I got a massage chair.

The Retrieval was awesome...I felt GOOD! The DR told T I am definitely not a cheap drunk, because I needed a lot of meds. T looked hilarious in his OR gear too...too cute! I got to watch them retrieving the eggs from the follicles on a screen to my right, and watch the lab finding the eggs in the fluid on a screen to my right. I told all the nurses in the room this was too cool for me...with my scientific brain...I was eating it up!

There were a lot of people in the room, because my BP was really high....but it settled a bit. and they had to keep reminding me to breathe because my O2 sats went down, to 85 or something(from all the drugs). I told them those numbers don't scare me, I was used to much scarier values at work! I also told them IUI's are boring...compared to IVF....which is totally true, but I was hopped up on meds too. I think they all got a kick out of me.

I had some water after, and some cookies. Proved I could pee...so my IV came out and I went home. We got home around 2pm and I went to sleep.

Now I am having some spotting and cramping...hoping to fee better tomorrow! We had 20 eggs retrieved, and find out tomorrow about fertilization.

Ready, Aim, Fire!!!

2009-09-05T11:35:00.002-04:00

Trigger TONIGHT!!!

Monday Retrieval!

I am so excited/nervous/scared/crazy! I am anxious about the sedation....I do not sedate easily. I am nervous for the IV...I have shitty veins. I really hope we get a lot of mature eggs that fertilize well.

We have 20ish follicles that look mature, and a few that don't...I am hoping for 15 to fertilize...is that too much to ask? Maybe...but this is our ONE shot at this....so I am hoping!

I feel a million times better too...not as bloated as a few days ago, so I am hoping we will miss the OHSS train. Trigger is at 1230 tonight....woot!

I Owe An IVF Update

2009-09-03T13:29:00.002-04:00

I have seen the RE twice now without updating...shame on me. I will update by appointment:

Tuesday Sept 1st:

Still have those follicles hanging around, now they measure in and around 14mm, keep meds the same Tuesday, Decrease Gonal F to 150IU and Increase Repronex to 150IU Wednesday, return for another check on Thursday.

Thursday Sept 3rd:

Still 20ish follicles, now measuring 17-18mm on average, some lagging at 13, some ahead at 20,21. Decrease Gonal F to 75IU, increase Repronex to 225IU, return for another check on the growth tomorrow.

So I will update here again tomorrow. I am suspicious that they will trigger tomorrow night for a Sunday retrieval....this came SO FAST...the first part of the IVF goes so slow, but once the stims came it happened so quickly.

I am also suffering some mild OHSS already, so I have been drinking the gatorade like its going out of style, they also said to drink a lot of water and eat salty foods, so I have been trying. I have bloating, and my ovaries are very sore. I think with action on this now, hopefully we can have it gone or prevent it from really getting any worse by retrieval.

2009-08-30T15:29:00.002-04:00

So I had my first IVF follicle check today....today is Day 4 of stims.

I had...20+ follicles...all ranging is size from 8-11mm. I was not expecting that many, when my Antral Follicle count was 13. I should have given my response to 50mg clomid a few months back...but I didn't.

The RE I saw (mine is on vacation until Thursday) said in her patients she would have decreased the dosage of Go.nal F given my response, but she knows that my RE wouldn't....so she left it, and said if my E2 was too high when they got the blood results that they would call me to decrease my dose tomorrow. No call...so I am assuming my e2 was fine.

I go back for another check on Tuesday. She warned me to drink a lot of fluid and watch for signs of OHSS now and for the next few weeks. Its a funny balance, between getting as many eggs as possible because its such an expensive procedure...yet trying not to get sick at the same time. I hope for no more or no less follicles Tuesday....just bigger ones :)

Follicle Sizes...Injections....Symptoms...Oh My!

2009-08-28T13:01:00.003-04:00

So its day 2 of stimms....Go.nal F and Re.pronex. And I feel...well...normal. Not a symptom to speak of. I don`t even know if I would have symptoms this early into stimms, or what they would be. I am assuming the typical.... feeling like your ovaries weigh about the size of an elephant, and crazy hormonal bitchiness.

I am on 2 shots a day right now. 0.1ml(0.5mg) of Lupron in a teeny little SubQ injection. 225IU of go.nal F and 75IU of re.pronex in one giant IM injection together...and it goes in my behind. I do it myself...I guess thats the nurse in me....but it is difficult...very difficult, and since today was day 2 and I have now done one shot on each side, I have found it is much easier to turn myself into a pretzel to the right rather than the left.

I go back to the clinic on Sunday for a follicle check and bloodwork. What should I expect on Sunday....should I expect these follicles to be massive, or tiny, or what? I tried goo.gling this to find out, but have come up with nothing.

I hope everyone out in IF blog world is doing well...congrats to all the newly knocked up girls! and to those cycling or still waiting for your miracle...know I am here for you!

Suppressed

2009-08-26T13:03:00.002-04:00

...better than being depressed huh! I have been successfully suppressed. I would have started stimms today...but its wednesday. What does that have to do with it.....well...apparently the clinic doesn't start people on stimms Tuesdays or Wednesdays in an attempt to avoid weekend retrievals. This really sucks, because I was hoping for a weekend retrieval...so that T could stay home with me.

Anyway...it looks like Retrieval will be Sept 7th...I am assuming....since that's the Monday after next weekend. I start Re.pronex and G.O.nal F tomorrow. This is really happening!!

Some Fun and Games

2009-08-18T14:53:00.002-04:00

So how many noticed the cute little bingo card....and even more recently the little link under my blog header?

The Blogger Bingo was thought up by the stirrup queen herself. its a fun little way to get bloggers out there reading and commenting on other blogs. Theres a little prize in it for the bingo winner too.

As far as my little game. Its a survey about my upcoming IVF to see what everyone thinks. The person who guesses closest to the actual number of shots I take this IVF cycle will win a little prize, to be determined later. You have to be willing to provide me your address obviously though, so I can send your prize.

Good Luck Everyone, and have fun playing!

I Have Been a Bad Blogger

2009-08-14T10:51:00.002-04:00

I am so sorry for my lack of blogging lately...I really just have NOTHING to talk about.

Right now we are on vacation at my in-laws lake home. much needed time away from reality I must say...but reality slapped me in the face today....I did my first lupron injection. We are OFICIALLY on the road to IVF. I am still waiting to hear about my labs and whether they are wonky or not, but as long as we hear in the next week(ish) we will be full steam ahead.

So, any super tips from you IVFers out there...what should I expect from all these meds? And BTW....still petrified of the retrieval...not even sure I told you all about that. I do not sedate easily, and I am so scared I will feel everything...all of it....anyone with experience?

Today is my 2nd Wedding Anniversary

2009-08-04T13:23:00.003-04:00

and I have nothing planned for it. Relax at home with the hubby I guess....I expected to be at a different place by this time in our Marriage...it will come though...I know it

It is also my Birthday Next Tuesday!

I am excited because I get to be at one of my favourite places in the world this day, the in-laws lake house. Yay!

On a side note...I am a week into Birth Control for IVF....and IVF is full steam ahead. We did some bloodwork to make sure my B vitamin levels are all ok, and that my thyroid and homocysteine are all ok too, I will find this out on Aug 13th, and if its all good, lupron starts on Aug 14th.....looks like we will have a retrieval first week of Sept...as long as everything is fine.

IVF on hold...indefinitely

2009-07-30T14:46:00.002-04:00

So a lovely, wonderful friend of mine has been helping with my research into my conditions.

There was a study which found that increased homocysteine levels was associated with poor egg quality....I wish I could post the study, but I really don't know how...I will try though.

Journal Article

So I am deciding to put the IVF on hold, at least for now.

I will try One more IUI I think once my levels normalize, because I am suspicious pregnancy wasn't achieved maybe because of the crappy eggs.

So we will try back again once:

My homocysteine level normalizes
My TSH comes to 2 or lower
I have a confirmation about my folic acid suspicions and get a different form of treatment for it.

If he doesn't agree, I guess it will be time for a new RE.

So Starts IVF #1

2009-07-30T13:53:00.003-04:00

the hag is here, we are on the road to IVF #1.

However we have hut another road bump. It is likely I don't absorb folic acid. Dang.

So I figured this out on my own. You see, because of m Crohn's disease I had a bowel resection, after said bowel resection I had to go on vitamin B12 injections(once monthly) for the rest of my life. Just yesterday I was thinking, hmm folate is a B vitamin, I wonder what part of the body absorbs it. You guessed it...same part of the bowel that I don't have anymore, g.r.e.a.t!

The ONLY reason I was thinking of this was because of the MTHFR, and the increased dose of folic I am on, I thought to myself, I wonder how we know if I am even getting enough...and I thought, hmm.

Anyway, so I will talk to RE about this tomorrow, I wonder if this is a reason as well for not getting pregnant again, and it looks like i will need to be on folic acid injections....add that to the list of needles just to TRY to get pregnant...sheesh....this is exhausting.

I feel like the last few weeks have been a huge JOKE on me. like what else can the universe dump on my head right now....anything? (BTW Universe....I am not asking for anything to be dumped..PUHLEASE)

Can y'all Say IVF???

2009-07-27T13:41:00.002-04:00

That's where we are headed now. Beta was negative.

The RE was willing to do one more IUI, but with the crappy sperm count and motility, and the fact that injectables are 2grand, I said I would feel better going straight to IVF. Apparently, the sperm were bad enough last IUI for him to recommend ICSI. I don't remember exactly what the counts are, but maybe if the sample is better we can veto that decision.

We did not have a sperm issue when we started this, so this puzzles me. Is it the lack of sex we are having because my area is constantly under the microscope? Is it the summer heat? Who knows, but what I do know is we have to do our best to improve it.

He thinks we will do well with IVF, and I hope this is true, I am ready for my miracle...and we can't afford to do IVF more than ONE time....so we have ONE chance...

Am I Selfish?

2009-07-17T11:45:00.002-04:00

I have been having these thoughts. The MTHFR diagnosis is worrying me seriously.

I do not have the ideal environment to gestate a potential baby, even without the MTHFR. I could be passing on health problems, Genetic disorders. It could be a very complicated pregnancy. On the other hand it could also be a wonderful happy healthy pregnancy.

I am having a hard time with the MTHFR. If we had known about it before doing IUI's, the first pregnancy (and possibly the subsequent chemical) could have been saved. I could be 31 weeks pregnant RIGHT NOW. I am grateful to know this now, so we can do our best in subsequent pregnancies (if we ever do get there again).

I do NOT like the fragmin injections. I have to take them every 12 hours. they burn, a lot! And if I get pregnant, I have to take them through the entire pregnancy. And if I go into labour on my own, and have had a fragmin injection in the previous 24 hours, I will NOT be able to get an epidural.

I know these are all "what if's", I know this is just crazy thinking, I know that having that cuddly awesome baby at the end will make it all worth it. At this moment, I just don't visualize that end result right now.

MTHFR and Cycle Update

2009-07-13T14:51:00.003-04:00

So I got the blood work back finally.

I am homozygous for MTHFR C677T variant. which basically means I inherited this variety from both parents. anywhere from 5-10% of the population has this. Which is surprising to me, we really don't see many patients with this at work...but I assume that because it results in pregnancy loss, and these people don't realize they have it.

Oh the cycle news. Tomorrow is IUI 6.1 and Wednesday will be 6.2. I took femara this cycle and it made a huge difference symptom wise. I felt 100% better than when I was on clomid. I have 2 main follicles at 22 and 20mm and one that is 15 that could mature in time fr ovulation.

I really hope this is it. This is our last try at IUI, we will take a break if this doesn't work, then on to IVF.

New Day, New Diagnosis

2009-07-10T22:12:00.002-04:00

and that diagnosis folks is.....

MTHFR (Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase)

and in a nutshell if you haven't heard of it before...

it causes issues with absorption of folic acid, which possibly leads to Neural Tube Defects and/or Chromosomal abnormalities. If that wasn't enough for you it also increases homocysteine in the blood, which leads to increased clotting...which could throw a clot to the placenta, or just prevent a healthy placenta from developing.

Google it for better information...but these are my lay-peoples terms for it...and I can't even pronounce the condition!

Questions and Answers with Dr. L

2009-07-04T19:06:00.002-04:00

So I saw the RE today, to discuss our lack of success and what to do this time.

I asked him....

Q: How many more IUI's he expects to do
A: One with femara and one with injectables...oh accept that injectables cost a pretty penny, so if it's not covered under our plan I am not wasting them on an IUI.

Q: What do we do after that (har har I knew this answer but he didn't need to know that)
A: IVF

Q: Is it possible that there is something preventing me from getting pregnant?
A:Could be, he looked at my miscarriage, and I told him the u/s I had after showed everything was clear, and I didn't have a D&C so there wouldn't be scar tissue. He doesn't think this is an issue, but agrees that its strange I got pregnant so easily, then have had 4 failed cycles since.

Q: Is there any testing that we haven't done yet, how have my tests been so far?
A: All the clotting workup was fine...so a clotting disorder did NOT cause my miscarriage (Yay..gotta be happy about something huh?) We haven't done a lap...to check for endometriosis...so he went back and looked at my original workup questionnaire, said it's possible with my symptoms that I could have some endo, and I told him my symptoms have gotten wore as we have gone through fertility treatments. He said at this point though, it would be a 3-4 month wait for that surgery..and it's a surgery(which will be difficult with my past history of abdominal surgeries) He said if we get to IVF, the endo wouldn't affect it anyways.

I think that's about it, I am glad that he and I are on the same page about things, I really didn't want to do more than 1 IUI before moving forward, but I am happy hes not going to try things more than once before moving on.

I did forget to ask what endo does to affect/prevent pregnancy....does anyone know?

I have a feeling that T's plan won't cover these injectables anyway, so we would only be doing this cycle before moving on to IVF.

Losing My Mind

2009-07-01T19:14:00.002-04:00

I am having an extremely hard time dealing with my emotions after this most recent cycle failure.

in front of us sit 2 options that I see feasible..

1) Do IUI#6 with clomid or femara, pray that it works so we won;t need to drop the cash on IVF
2)Take a break in July and use August for the month long birth control pills before IVF in September

By the way, September was originally my Due Date...so that's depressing right there...talking about potential baby-making happening when I was supposed to be baby-having.

I cried myself to sleep Monday night after the news of our negative beta. Why this one hurt me so much more than all of the others, I am not sure. It could be because it brings us so much closer to the end, it could be that i also came home to read an acquaintance's joyous announcement of"we're pregnant and its a boy!". It could be the fact I thought this HAD to work, how does it not, when there are 3 follicles and I got pregnant so easily with only one on our first IUI.

I realize now how I took IUI#1's success for granted. I went into #2 thinking it was going to be so easy, we just had to figure out how to STAY pregnant now. #2 resulted in a chemical. Still thinking this is a breeze...and have yet to be pregnant again.

I have lost the upbeat, positive attitude I have had toward this whole process now.

I feel angry, bitter, sad, disappointed, broken.

Now what I need is advice and opinion....do I go with IUI#6 or do you think its a waste of time and money at this point given my history. I honestly think I should just break in July and prep for IVF in August. Oh and I know bits and pieces about IVF...only from what I hear here and there from other blogs and a couple friends who have had it. So what does an IVF cycle look like, and what is with the different types of protocols?

Thanks for the support and well wishes!

Negative

2009-06-29T21:28:00.001-04:00

again, I think right now I am done, oh..and to top it off someone in my life decided today of all days to announce her pregnancy at 20 weeks gestation....so I bawled...right now, not so happy with my life.

Vanishing line..

2009-06-26T12:42:00.003-04:00

today's test had no line that I could see, maybe I have better luck with second MU...or evening testing. I will try again tomorrow morning...but I still feel like CRAP....so I am thinking this is going to work!

I Squinted

2009-06-25T18:01:00.002-04:00

and saw the hint of a line...

I am 9dpo today...I tested out my trigger already so any line is a positive, and I am 90% sure that there is a line on today's test, and 10% sure I am imagining it. I have also had every pregnancy symptom under the sun, but most of them are probably more related to the progesterone suppositories.

I can not wait to pee on a stick tomorrow! I hope the line is more obvious so I KNOW that I am not imagining it!

IUI complete

2009-06-17T15:27:00.002-04:00

IUI is finished.

I am happy...but now I am in the dreaded 2WW...and I am bored already. How I am going to get through the next 2 weeks I am not sure...luckily its not a full 2 weeks...and I will be testing...test the trigger away, so I will start in 5-6 days. I really hope this works, and I have a good feeling it will, but just how many babies is what scares me...I hope no more than 2.

On a side note, ovulation hurts like HELL when there are multiple follicles...it killed, I could barely walk this am. Hopefully thats a good sign too!

IUI #5.1

2009-06-16T17:41:00.003-04:00

Today's IUI went very well. It started with a delicious breakfast Sandwich that T will be getting me again tomorrow(he doesn't know this yet!) And ended with talk of my own reality show...as if that will happen. I discussed my concerns with getting pregnant with more than 2, he said there is a very slim chance of that happening, but its obviously not impossible considering there are 3 mature follicles and a bunch of small ones.

He joked with me when I aked about multiples; "you don't want to be a reality star?"...haha...NO.

But come on...now a days with OCT.O.MOM, 3 is a spit in a pail...I wouldn't really have a reality show...now, as a dear friend pointed out...if all 3 were to split into identical twins, then I would have me a reality show!

PHEW

2009-06-15T16:03:00.002-04:00

3 mature follicles....yay! one stopped growing, and the 2 little guys stayed the same. I am so thankful! there were tons of little ones they didn't bother measuring as well. It was amazing to see my ovaries on the screen....they looked like popped popcorn!

So we triggered this morning for IUI's tomorrow and Wednesday....I really have a lot of hope for this cycle, I hope the universe decides this time is my time!

Ima Skeered

2009-06-15T00:00:00.002-04:00

tomorrow is my Follicle Scan, and likely trigger. I had 6 follicles Saturday....I really really hope there's no more than 4 mature tomorrow.

Clomid made me nervous from the start, I never had an ovulation issue, so this was all to produce an extra follicle or 2...not 5!

Has anyone else out in the internets had trigger and IUI with a clomid cycle? and how may mature follicles did you have? and if successful did you end up pregnant with more than one baby?

Shit!

2009-06-13T10:53:00.002-04:00

6 follicles.....DAMN

it looks like 2 of them are too little to mature (9&10mm) but 4 will likely mature.

That's my absolute upper limit....I hope that is all that's going on on Monday for my next scan.

Will likely trigger Monday too for a Tues/Wed IUI.

Follicle Scan Tomorrow!

2009-06-12T22:15:00.001-04:00

I am anxious/nervous/excited to see whats going on in there...I can definitely feel something!

I hope its more than 2 and no more than 4...otherwise...it will end up being an off cycle.

Clomid is NOT my friend!

2009-06-09T12:48:00.001-04:00

I feel like death on a stick. Headaches, nausea, hot flashes, moodiness...and I can't sleep any of it off either. 3 days to go!

Cycle Monitoring

2009-06-06T20:56:00.002-04:00

on to IUI#5...this time with clomid joining forces to conquer Mt. Pregnancy.

I start 50mg clomid tomorrow (CD3) and take it for 5 days. I am so very nervous about it. I am worried I will have too many follicles, I am worried I will feel like crap, I am worried that it won;t help at all....but I am trying to forget all of that and just let come what may.

I just hope clomid does the trick, and I don;t have to deal with Trying again for a long time (at least a year or so!)

Share our clomid experiences (good and bad) with me! How many follicles did you have....how did it make you feel?

Day One

2009-06-05T11:53:00.000-04:00

Again....

See RE tomorrow for lovely messy u/s and bloodwork. and he can answer my trillion questions.

Thank You Thank You

2009-06-03T11:30:00.002-04:00

to all my loyal followers(is that what you all are called) I have appreciated all of the advice...truly.

I am working on a list of questions for the RE...since for all I know CD2 could be tomorrow.

I am having a lot of difficulty with this cycle ending in BFN...Even though I knew it would. If anyone has a link to how much clomid or the like increase pregnancy rates, I would like to know how much extra chance it gives us, or if we should just skip it if it doesn't work after one try.

Thanks :)

Beta

2009-06-02T17:17:00.003-04:00

Negative.

Moving forward...yet I feel like I am standing still.

Next cycle is clomid....when I go in for my monitoring appt CD2 which I imagine will be Friday or Saturday.. I have a lot I want to talk to him about.

Why clomid...if I am already ovulating like a machine? How many rounds of clomid before that's a bust too? Whats next after clomid? Are there any other options other than clomid that would be good for my situation? Basically I wan't my bloodwork back to tell me if I have any clotting issues to worry about, and to just move on to IVF...I don't feel like clomid is going to benefit me any, but at the same rate I am hoping thats all it takes, since IVF is so much more pricey than what we are doing.

I can not believe we have done 4 IUI's now and have spent $4000 + dollars and have nothing but a bruised belly and a cranky me to show for it.

No beta today

2009-06-01T10:08:00.000-04:00

I am home sick....so Beta TOMORROW....that will give it a chance to increase...haha

Beta Tomorrow

2009-05-31T18:36:00.000-04:00

and I am pretty sure of what the number will be....ZERO....maybe I will get a pleasant surprise though.

Blogging about a Friend!...the sequel!

2009-05-30T22:19:00.003-04:00

So...blogging about a friend part deux.

It turns out I am 33.333333% of the plan....Friend number 2 is pregnant...due the first week of February. I had BETTER get a BFP....I love these girls...they are the best...but if I do NOT get a BFP this cycle I will be very sad, now that I know I could have gone through a pregnancy with 2 AWESOME people.

so send sticky vibes for my friends....and PLEASE PLEASE send all of your baby vibes to me!

Blogging about a Friend!

2009-05-29T10:00:00.003-04:00

I must let you all know, I am cycling with a friend....kind of. She went in for IVF....she had her Retreival on the 15th of May, and a 3dt. She is suffering really bad from OHSS(ovarian hyper-stimulation syndrome) and is in the hospital. She is pregnant! and I am so very excited for her...she deserves this so much! So our plan is 50% complete...me being the other half...we would be due 4 days apart, it would be wonderful! I was hoping to complete our plan with a BFP this am...but that didn't happen, maybe tomorrow.

Please send all of your prayers and positive thoughts for my friend suffering from OHSS, and her little beanie(s) growing inside!

I Have Been a Busy Body

2009-05-26T13:20:00.002-04:00

Its been a busy few days here. I worked some long shifts on Friday ad Saturday, Had a Bridal Shower Saturday Evening, and the T and I spent all day Sunday installing new light fixtures to change out the standard builder ones. We spent last evening installing a ceiling fan in our bedroom, which was a P.A.I.N. He did most of the work, but I could tell it was bad. He was in the Attic for a while!

Oh so whats my point....today is 7dpo....how that happened without me noticing much, I really don't know.

This cycle is so different for me emotionally. It is like it's not even happening. I don't know if this is because of the vacation, the early ovulation...or just me changing and becoming more jaded by the process. I haven't had the urge to pee on a stick, though now that I am not so busy, I may start. And I really have no hope that this will work...but I'll be happy if it does of course!

The clinic staff was surprised that at my young age I was on to IUI#4...and to be honest I am too. Then one of the nurses said you must have been pregnant, I had been twice I told her. So I guess that makes it different. I guess age does play some role in fertility, even though getting pregnant is only one third of the battle. Staying pregnant, and having a healthy baby at the end are the other 2 thirds, and are not guarantees, whether you get pregnant at all.

I think I am jaded....definitely.

I wish I had the ability to be aive through this whole process. I never had that, and in some ways its good, I know to have no expectations...but I wish I had some. When I started trying, a year and a half ago now, I knew not al pregnancies ended in happy families with brand new, sweet smelling babies. I knew there were complications, losses, sadness. That's a part of my job. I like knowing, becuase this way I won't sit on something like someone who is completely unaware, I will know when something needs medical attention. But at the same time...I would love to be A)Pregnant and B)Happy about it (In the sense of not knowing and assuming stuff will go wrong).

I am even more jaded after infertility and losses. I am super aware that treatment doesn't equal pregnancy now. I was before, but I still HOPED it would...and it did...but now I am not so naive. I also assumed that if they could not find anything REALLY wrong...then how hard could it be for doctors to get me pregnant and have a baby...right? oh so totally wrong.

So heres to 6 more days of wait for the beta...Maybe I will test starting tomorrow....maybe not, I am not really sure...all I know is there will be a light at the end of the tunnel...and I will get there...I just don't know what the mode of transportation will be just yet.

IUI #4.2

2009-05-20T13:27:00.003-04:00

In one word.....AWFUL

sperm count......37million, better motility....GOOD
previously scheduled DR appointment with Gastro....fell right between sample giving time and IUI....GREAT
Taking head nurse and RE 30 minutes just to find my cervical opening.....after using 5 different speculums....HORRENDOUS

It really wasn't too painful...a LOT of pressure...but yikes...my cervix must still be on vacation. I had my most favourite nurse from this post

She was awesome and hilarious as usual. She said after seeing that cervix (or not seeing it) i will most definitely get pregnant...because she doesn't want to see it again! It was so nice to have her there through that!

Lets hope June 1st brings a nice shiny beta number!

IUI 4.1

2009-05-19T13:13:00.002-04:00

today's IUI went well. I have not ovulated yet, the follicle was 2mm bigger at 22mm. the counts were good, 49million swimmers, but 53% motility, tomorrows should be better though.

Thanks for the support. This IUI kind of came out of nowhere, so I haven;t really had time to become excited/nervous about it, which helps I think!

Surprise!

2009-05-18T15:36:00.002-04:00

Today I went in for my CD10 follicle scan and bloodwork. I was expecting something along the lines of the following:

"your follicle is 16mm come back tomorrow for another go at the dildo cam"

This is what I got:

"you have a great follicle in there, its 20mm...let me see if your blood is back yet...blood isn;t ready we will call you if you have your LH surge" followed by phone call at 2 pm: "yep you had your LH surge, we will do IUI tomorrow and Wednesday morning!"

First....HOLY SHIT! I just got back from vacation...was totally not expecting to jump head first immediately into IUI...I figured I had another few days. And In the first year of Trying...I ovulated earlier than CD18 only one time...and it was usually closer to CD20. So now I am ovulating on CD 11....What the hell...seriously.

So I guess my ovaries wanted a vacation too!

Don't get me wrong, I am glad this is happening, it just means I will get my beta results sooner too..I am just really surprised...and I REALLY hope this works...REALLY.

2 weeks from today...I may finally have another positive beta and a sticky bean that want's to hang around until Februaryish!

Show and Tell May 16, 2009

2009-05-16T19:35:00.004-04:00

Ola, This week I am showing off pics of my trip from this week. It was an amazing trip. We went to La Romana, Dominican Republic, I learned a teeny bit of Spanish while I was there, had a TON to drink (which was nice since I had a negative beta 2 days before we left) and saw one of my greatest friends get married.

It truly was paradise.

This is what happens when you bring a camera from Canada to the Dominican...its not happy for the first 30 min.

Here's the view from our room:

flamingos at the resort, there were peacocks and lizards too.

Here's the wedding ceremony set-up, it was absolutely beautiful!

now click over here and see what everyone else has to show!

Back from Vacay!

2009-05-15T23:20:00.003-04:00

and boy it was wonderful! I will post pictures for the show and tell tomorrow!

On a different note...back to my TTC world. I am on CD7 today, which means in about a week...IUI#4. It's another natural IUI, and although vacation is wonderful and amazing...it totally threw off this cycle. This was supposed to be IUI with clomid try #1...but this will actually be natural IUI#4. no clomid...since I was awa for CD3 blood work and dildo cam.

I'm ok with it...maybe we will totally get out of doing clomid...and have a wonderful sticky BFP....a girl can hope right?

What I need Most Right Now...

2009-05-06T21:51:00.002-04:00

A VACATION. We leave tomorrow for the Dominican to witness my beautiful friend marry the man of her dreams! This Vacation is so much more than that though. This is a get.away.from.the.real.world.and.stress.of.infertility.week. I am so looking forward to doing nothing...thinking about NOTHING. So I will put my thoughts on whats happening here now and forget about them while I am away.

So Re's office called yesterday to tell me my beta was zero...and to come in CD2-4 for blood work and ultrasound, and dun-dun-dun.....CLOMID. Well conveniently(or inconveniently) I am going on vacation for SEVEN days. which means in all likelihood I will be in the Caribbean from CD2-4...ya that will be fun, not only will I have my period on vacation...but I will also miss CD3 monitoring. The solution from RE's office, apparently no big deal (to them) we will just do another natural cycle IUI if we can't get the baseline ultrasound for clomid. So I though this cycle would be a change, but apparetly its just more of the same...unless by some miracle I do not get aunt FLOW until the last day or 2 of my vacation....which would really be nice...really. Universe...please co-operate with me....PUHLEASE!

Zero

2009-05-05T23:52:00.002-04:00

zlich...nothing!

that's the amount of HCG in my system...NONE.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me clomid+IUI info...I am soooooo nervous about doing this. I have made 2 follicles on my own twice in 3 cycles now and I am so scared as to what the clomid will do. RE mentioned at the initial consultation that my ovaries look like over acheivers...that they will respond very well to stimulation (I guess they have a lot of antral follicles) so thats why we avoided clomid, but after IUI#3 and one failed pregnancy...this is apparently the next step....any advice...please!

Conception

2009-04-28T13:09:00.000-04:00

This is what I like to think happen in there...hahaha

Conception

Less than a Week Until the Beta

2009-04-28T11:07:00.002-04:00

I will start testing tomorrow I think.

I have had a lot of low back pain, and cramping in the front. And I started spotting yesterday and still spotting today.

Why do I get this EVERY SINGLE TIME. I don;t know what to think of it, I always have TONS of symptoms. I just beg that if this is in fact pregnancy please....oh please....LET.IT.STICK!

Fac.ebook...and the Pregnancy Announcement

2009-04-24T17:39:00.004-04:00

Don't get me wrong, I am generally happy for people who are expecting children. It is an amazing place to be in one's life, full of life and gifts to come.

But my fac.ebook is one big fat pregnancy announcement right now, and when there isn;t a pregnancy being announced, there's a delivery being announced. Most days I am fine, genuinely happy and congratulating them. Today I am feeling especially barren. it is not one of those days.

I just want for me and fellow infertiles to have the same chance at getting pregnant mere days after getting married...or days and weeks before that in some cases. How is it so easy for these FP (fertile peoples as coined by Eve...my current cycle buddy). They don;t even know HOW to get pregnant...it just happens. They don't know about cycle days, luteal phases, hormones and their purpose. They don'tknow about OPK's, HPT's, DPO's. Yet they get pregnant without even really TTC.

If I stop POAS...and charting, and going to an RE...will I get knocked up so easily???

The answer....NO. How do I know this...because I was this. From early January 08 until April of 08 this was me! I did not chart, POAS, know when I was ovulating, I knew how a cycle worked (being the OB nurse I am) but I seriously thought if we just had sex every couple of days for a few months (if it took that long) we would indeed be pregnant. I had regular cycles, we had no reason to believe anything was wrong with T's bits...so we did it, like fertile people.

Even once I bought the fertility monitor in April I still had no idea we would try so long. I figured we would just chart and POAS and find out when the ideal time to time intercourse would be, so we weren't so exhausted. This did not help either. I started to worry In August that we might have issues, though we might as well do some preliminary bloodwork and a SA for T. Everything looked good accept for a slightly elevated TSH. So we were referred to an RE...first sign I may be...gasp...infertile.

We saw the RE in October...did more tests, all looks good. December (1 year TTC) we have a post coital test..accept the way the RE does it is not so post coital, there was no coitus involved at all it all occurred on a slide with T's sample and a sample of my CM. and low and behold my CM is hostile! 2 almost failed IUI's later and a miscarriage and chemical and here we are at IUI 3.

It turns out if the mucous wasn't an issue I would probably be one of these 'whoops I am pregnant, guess we should get married' people, or FP's for short. But I am not. And now we are looking at a diagnosis of RPL on top of it.

I feel bittersweet about our journey. It has taught me so much, to be patient, live in the moment, have few expectations, and most of all to be grateful for what I do have. But it has been painful, both emotionally and physically, and f.acebook pregnancy announcements are relentless. But with fa.cebook I have been able to help others as someone to reach out to, and to educate them (ever so slightly) on infertility and its pain.

Please F.acebook...let me be the next to announce my pregnancy...and please universe let that pregnancy last a good 9 months!

Oops...

2009-04-23T18:57:00.003-04:00

I forgot to update. IUI 3.2 is done and over....went well, I think. It was so fast I didn't even have time to think about what was going on. Count was good 56 million washed. Now we wait...for 2 WEEKS! Beta is on May 5th. I will start testing likely April 30th.

My blood results still aren't finished for the thrombphilia workup post miscarriage. It can take 2-3 months so I wasn't really surprised. He did have some preliminary test results that looked fine.

I started progesterone already this afternoon, and fragmin tonight. I will start the prescription prenatal vitamin tomorrow.

Now go on over and visit my friend Eve because She was 'basted' today too! Wish her well!

One Down One to Go!

2009-04-22T12:26:00.002-04:00

IUI 3.1 went smooth as silk. I have been a bit crampy afterward though.

I think our timing of this IUI was really good. they caught the very first part of my surge, since I didn't have any positive OPK's until 12 hours later (and it was barely positive).

T made it back just in time...he came home last night, and he is leaving again on Friday :( and the beta will be the day before we leave on our vacation.

Everyone send sticky vibes to the eggie or 2 that are waiting to be fertilized! I have a good feeling about this!

IUI 3.1 on for tomorrow!

2009-04-21T14:48:00.002-04:00

YIKES.

I wasn't expecting this, I have had nearly positive OPK's so I figured maybe tomorrow I would surge. I am glad T is flying home tonight. My two follicles may only be one, the other shrank a bit, but I am still hoping...who knows right.....

So I will let the internets know how it goes. I am nervous and excited, it seems so soon since we had such a break between the last 2.

My Eggies are Growing!

2009-04-20T11:07:00.002-04:00

Today is CD11. I have 2 follicles... TWO!!!! One is 15mm and one is 19mm. I am so glad things are going well this cycle already. T is away for work, so he will have to catch a plane home for the IUI, and we will not miss out on the extra chance that this cycle has! RE figures I will surge tomorrow or Wednesday.

I worked all weekend, and I am exhausted, still a bit sick too I think, feeling really pooped. It will be a busy week though :D

A Week in....Already?!?

2009-04-16T09:20:00.002-04:00

CD7...already, it went by fast, but that also means in 3 short days I see the RE, and I still feel like crap. Well actually I feel sick again rather than still.

The past week has been wild, I had the period from hell, worst in my life, I had excruciating pain all of last Friday and Saturday, and we were away at the in-laws house, so it was kinda strange. Sunday we left early in the morning for the long drive home (15hours). I felt comfortable in the morning, so was happy about that, but a bit nauseous, not un-common for me, if I don;t wake up on my own time I am usually nauseous in the mornings. about 6 hours into the drive, my husband looks like crap, and about an hour later he had to pull over because he was sick. My mother in-law had a stomach bug the Wednesday/Thursday. A few hours after he was sick so was I. It made for an awful drive home, and I begged him to stop and get a hotel room numerous times. I am glad he did the drive though because it was nice to be in my own space when feeling that crappy. T got over his in the 24 hours that it took his mom as well. I.did.not! I was sick all of Sunday/Monday/Tuesday. I felt great yesterday, until the evening. I figured I just ate too much, and now its actually hard for me to catch my breath/take a deep breath. I hope it gets better. I am not nearly as sick as I was.

So I suppose that's why the week went by quickly, only one more week(ish) until IUI...then the dreaded wait.

Not so sure I am blog material....

2009-04-14T17:25:00.003-04:00

I do not know how some of you manage to blog everyday and make it interesting. I am realizing that the bulk of my cycles I am pretty boring!

Some of you blog about how people find you on goo.gle....Mine are seriously not funny.

Some blog about their feelings and emotions of the infertility journey, or how others are perceiving them....mine are constant (most of the time)

Some just blog about everyday stuff and throw in the infertility crap where its relevant...but my regular life is fairly boring....it consists of sleep, eat, catch up on blogs/boards, eat, pee on stick (either OPK or HPT). Or on a day where I work.....sleep, work, sleep, repeat.

So whats interesting in my life right now. Nothing....I am still sick, it was quite an interesting trek across this fine province with both T and I puking our guts out, its a miracle that me made it home in a decent amount of time. He is doing 100% better, I am not.

I am getting so excited for my vacation coming up in May, sun, sand beach, laziness! I can not wait. Oh and one of my favourite people is getting married there too...so that it so exciting.

And today is CD5....so 10 days...ish until we do another IUI. I am really not sure how to feel about this. Part of me always thinks positively and takes it one day at a time, another wants to think doom and gloom and expect the worst. I don't feel like this will be our "keeper" pregnancy cycle. Not sure why. and part of me still feels like the one is far away. But UNIVERSE...I am telling you I will take what you give me...and if you want to give me 2 sticky beans at once i will not complain about that either ;)

Sick....sooo sick

2009-04-13T15:31:00.002-04:00

and it's CD4

I was supposed to go on for Bloodwork and u/s today...but I have the stomach flu...so I didn't.

T called the clinic to see if this would prevent doing this cycle. The nurse called back and said it was fine since we do natural cycle IUI. thank goodness...so I go in CD10 to see whats going on in there.

But I still feel like poo...hopefully by CD10 I feel better.

Here we go Again

2009-04-10T09:43:00.000-04:00

CD 1...nuff said

Wordless....

2009-04-08T14:53:00.002-04:00

why does this hurt (emotionally) as much as my miscarriage in February. I know I was pregnant last week, I felt pregnant, I had the + pee stick (which may now just be a rare false positive with a beta of Zero)

I thought it would be harder to actually BE pregnant after that loss, but I was really excited and looking forward to showing that it can work, only for it to fail, again.

I just want to cry but there are no tears.

Still Waiting on the Beta

2009-04-07T12:34:00.001-04:00

I am getting really impatient, I have called, left messages, talked to people, just waiting on a call back (still) with my beta results. I really want to know whats going on!

Update.....

Beta is negative....oh well

BF?

2009-04-04T12:18:00.001-04:00

So I had a faint BFP....yes woohoo...so exciting....not...since the past 2 days have been BFN's

I am not really sure whats going on. I have a Beta on Monday.

No News....

2009-03-31T20:45:00.002-04:00

BFN today. I thought I had a very faint positive, but 2 negative tests after that confirmed I didn't.

I am only 7-8 DPO today though, tons of time left for that line to show up!

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

2009-03-30T14:28:00.003-04:00

Pregnancy symptoms that is....

pink spotting, aching breasts, and a couple more twinges....I would say its pretty obvious as this is exactly like I felt in December, I will test tonight and twice a day, now!

New Look

2009-03-30T13:42:00.002-04:00

I hope everyone likes the new look to the blog. I wanted a change, the green was getting to me.

I am a week through the 2WW. It went rather quickly actually. I am going to start testing tonight, just for fun. I said I would wait until Wednesday, but who am I kidding!

I had some cramping yesterday, and a nice strong twinge. What might be a temp dip today, but I think my temp the other day was just High. you can see my chart here. Has anyone had a faint positive at 7dpo, or how many dpo were you when you got yours? My last pregnancy was 11dpo.

I will update if I get any other pregnancy symptoms (I have tons, but I am on progesterone) or if I get a BFP.